Bridget Jones British Invasion
by Aingealz
Summary: Welcome to my version of Bridget Jones's continued story. We last see Bridget and Mark together from the last movie, engaged and looking rather happy. I have taken some poetic lisence to embellish my version of their foresable future. As always, this cha
1. Chapter 1

Monday, January 3rd

9 st 1, alcohol units 20, calories 1,500, hideous life-altering events 3, Christmas excursions 1, thoughtful gorgeous boyfriends 1

Wake up with light blinding eyes. Note to self, get some blackout curtains. Mark left early for meeting at office. Feel tired but well shagged. Fantastic lover, my Barrister boyfriend.

I have no deadlines today from editor at Hello mag rag. I think I would like to interview Colin Firth again. But is this possible after last fiasco? Will think of this later.

Think again about awesome shag last night. Think to call Mark. No, to desperate if I call so soon after he leaves. Send text message on mobile "miss you, B."

Phone rings. Its Shazzer. "Hello, its me Shazz. Am in big fucking hurry. Simon is asking me to take him to Heathrow. So I need to meet you later at 192." I say "no prob" and suggest we meet at 9. Shazz rings off and says "Bye Bridg".

Now have whole day to self for proper pampering of girlfriend to top barrister. Look at flat. Such a mess wont think about that now either. Must remember to write down and keep all resolutions.

Resolutions:

1. Be proper and super girlfriend to wonderful and loyal Mark

2. Stop Smoking (or let Mark think I have)

3. Cut out carbs

4. Stop thinking about Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy

4. Get engaged to become Mrs Mark Darcy

Hear strange sound. Find that Mark left mobile at home and he didn't get the message I sent. Feel strangely sad. Mark's mobile rings. Don't know what to do? Answer or not? I decide to pick up.

"Hello" I say and I hear "Who is this?" and I reply "well who is this? The answers comes to quickly "this is Rebecca!" Oh God and Fuccck!. Mark is a shagging his ex girlfriend.! No! Remind self not to be stupid once again about Mark. "Is this plump, little Bridget"? "What? Oh God, must be elegant and keep composure. "Tell Mark I rang will you?" then she hung up.

Gees, not Rebecca again. How many times do I have compete with some stick with long legs and gorgeous body?

Need urgent conference with Urban Family. Called Jude. Her mobile rings and rings. Get voice mail. Gawd. Need help now!

Call Tom. "Hello" says a sleepy Tom. "Tom, its Bridg. I have a huge crisis. Mark left his mobile at home and I answered it and come to find out it was Rebecca Gilles! What should I do?" Tom in his ever so dramatic, poof style says "dump him". "What? I cant do that!" "Well, if I were you, I would confront Mark this moment! came the reply." "Mark is working and in meetings" I said breathlessly. Gees! What to do? What to do? "Tom, I need to ring off now and thanks" I said feeling rejected again. "Bridg, remember you are great just the way your are" and I love you! And tell that gorgeous man of yours I said Hello!. Later Darling!"

I cant depend on any man..not even my poof friends! What am I saying? Gawd, not the phone again!.

"Hello?" Its Mum. "Darling, are you still in bed at this time of day? You will never keep Mark if you are lazy and never learn to keep your flat up and become a good cook!" Mum always makes me feel guilty about my pathetic life. GAAH! "Mum what do you want?" "Darling, I want what every mother wants and that is to see her child married to a wonderful catch like Mark Darcy". "Mum, we haven't discussed this yet. I don't want to pressure Mark. Look we just came back from your Turkey Curry buffet where everyone asked us when are we going to name the day and kept hearing "tick tock, tick, tock. I feel like a bloody clock!" "Temper Darling! No need to get so dramatic. I rang to tell you Una and I will be down to lunch at Debenhams and we want you to join us. Say about Noonish? Tra-la Darling see you there!" I had no time to say anything.

It was 10:30. I am not prepared to have lunch with Mum and Una who keeps reminding me of my lack of marital status! Why, can't I just have a normal dysfunctional family like everyone else?

Now have major head pain. Back to thinking about Mark. Even more pain. Decide to take hot shower and pamper self properly. Decide to wear black trousers and black knit sweater with high heel boots. I look slimmer in black. All the pies at New Year.

Leave at 11:30 to meet Mum and Auntie Una for dreaded lunch. Had tedious luncheon conversation with Mum and Auntie Una. Got lectured by smug married women about how I need to catch a man like Mark Darcy and keep him. Was getting married this complicated for Adam and Eve? Left Debenhams and caught taxi home. Just walking up to flat when my mobile rang. Its Mark.

"Hello" I said cooly. "Hi, its Mark. What is the matter?" he sounded odd. "I just had lunch with Mum and Auntie Una and I have a terrible headache" "Aww" he seemed distracted and not at all concerned. Bawstard! "Bridget, I forgot my mobile at your flat and I was wondering if you could drop by and leave it with my Secretary"? Oh so now I am his errand girl. This day just gets better! "Yes I can. I need to ring off now" and said "G'bye" rather abruptly before he could say anything.

There that will show him Bridget Jones is not some simple singleton!

Got Mark's mobile and took Tube down to Ends of Court.. Dropped by office. Secretary was gone. I noticed Mark's door to his inner office was ajar. Decided to peep in. GAAH!...It was the dreaded Rebecca! She was bending over Mark's shoulder and acting like a little tart!

Hmmpph! I cleared my throat and they both looked up.

"I have your mobile Mark". "Oh its little Bridget Jones. Come to pay us a visit?" she said too cheeky for my taste! Rebecca stick insect!. Mark looked irritated. I felt stupid. Mark said "Bridget how is your headache?" I looked at him like a lovesick cow for his thoughtfulness. "Much better, thanks" came my guilty reply for doubting this wonderful man.

I told them I need to get going and I had to meet Shazzer at 192. Mark blew me a kiss and told me he would call round to my flat later this evening. I felt a gush of love for this man and walked away with a full heart! Bloody Rebecca! Stupid friends. Stupid me for doubting loyal Mark!

Tuesday, January 4th

9 st, alcohol units unknown, cigs, 7, calories 1,100, Rebecca encounters 1, Brilliant boyfriends 1, Deceitful specimen of humanity (Daniel) encounter 1

Gawd, shagging was awesome last night. Can't get over how beautiful Mark is when he sleeps. Of course, that was until Mark woke up and told me "You're staring at me again. Go find something to keep you busy". "Sorry" was my reply and left the bedroom.

Decided to write down events of last night while still fresh in mind. Met Shazzer at 192 and Daniel Cleaver. GAAH! The later was most unexpected and most unusual. Shazzer and I were sitting at our usual table while she spills out latest edition of fuckwit boyfriend Simon.

"Fucking arseholes! You can't rely or trust any of them" Shazzer muttered in her normal and vulgar manner. "Simon leaves me alone for 2 weeks while he goes off to America and of all places New York City! The city that doesn't sleep! Speaking of which I wonder who he may be _sleeping_ with! Bugger him! Bugger them all!"

After the emotional overload...I casually look over at the bar. Sitting there like he owned the place was no other than Daniel Cleaver! The tosser! Felt slight panic and face drains and turns white.

Shazzer notices and says "Bridget are you paying attention to me or what?". Unable to think, I shouted. "Gawd its that arsehole Daniel Cleaver!"

For a noisy place, it seemed like everyone for miles around heard me. So to save face, decided to faint dead away. I don't know what all the fuss is about?

As self is so engrossed in diary, Mark emerges from bedroom, I jump when he nuzzles my neck and he turns my head for a wonderful lovely snog. Hmmm...can it be like this forever in lala land with wonderful Mark Darcy?

Mark goes and takes quick shower.. He mentions most important meeting with Trade Commissioner from US at 8:30. Must not fantasize about marrying Mark right now and not think about telling Mark about incident last night resulting in siting of Daniel Cleaver either!

My bottom feels sore from fall from bar stool. Luckily the added padding helps. Too many bar flies assumed it was from too many units of alcohol! How could that be?

Mark and I have quick breakfast of latte and chocolate croissants from Café Espresso. Mark gives me a kiss and leaves flat. I walk around flat and thinking really need to clean this mess. Decide to write in diary instead. My words are immortal upon these hallowed pages!

Tuesday, January 12

8 st, alcohol units 8, calories zillions, cigs, 2, gym workouts 8,

Going into a whole month of bliss with my gorgeous boyfriend. A month of total undisturbed sex and lost 1 stone! Can this be the ultimate in my continued happiness? Slept alone last night as Mark had to work late and also mentioned he made reservations for tonight at La Rouge our favorite cosey bistro around corner to make up for last nights absence.

Mark is romantic! Must call Jude (best friend) and see if she can get away from vile Richard for awhile for quick luncheon and shopping at Debenhams so I can find a sexy little dress for this evening.

Call Jude. Got voice mail. "Jude, its Bridget. Ring me on my mobile. Would like us to meet for a bit of lunch and shopping at Debenhams around 1 ish" Hung up.

Decided to follow through on New Year resolution and pick up my flat. After an hour of trying. I just started another pile! GAAH. Too much junk! Read self help book about organization!

Phone rings. I pick up.

"Hi its Jude". "Everything ok? I asked as Jude sounded tense. "Richard is being a knobhead! He insists I go with him to Paris for a mini-break but I cant break away from work at this very moment! He is insisting I go and he is being impossible! Big Arse! I think to myself. "Look, Richard is vile and self centered prat who must claim all your attention. Use some backbone to tell him to bugger off" recalling from memory an article I read in Vogue about demanding boyfriends. Jude continued "Bridg I know you are right...but I am stuck and I love him" "Then go to Paris with him if it will keep the peace" I tried to sound supportive.

Gawd, men are awful..except of course, my Mark. He is wonderful. We decided to meet at Debenhams at 1 for luncheon and shopping and both rang off.

Rushed and dressed for lunch with Jude. Hurrying out of flat when all of sudden become very dizzy indeed. Think to self need to eat that is all...rush and catch taxi for quick ride to meeting place.

Met Jude at Debenhams café and decided on the grilled salmon salad and a glass of Chardonnay. Our waitress brings our entrees..and one whiff of the salmon sent me running to the loo!

Gaah! This can't be good! After 15 minutes Jude finds me in the loo clinging to a toilet.

"Bridget are you ok? I felt another wave of sickness and couldn't answer. After another humiliating bout of nausea I came out looking like a hag. "Jude, I don't know what the matter is?" I said in a shaky voice. "Bridget when was your last menses?" asked Jude tentatively.

Oh Fuccckkkk! We both ran to Fairways Drugs!

Forgot about tonight's date with Mark at La Rouge and no new sexy outfit to wear. Rummage through cupboard looking for something to wear! Christ this isn't happening right now!

Mark rings. "Bridget I will be round at 8pm to pick you up for dinner" "Ok" I sound breathless and Mark said that sounded "sexy and see you then. Bye Darling"

Its 7:30 wearing smart black sexy dress with low back from last season. Put on heels to make me look regal and Princess Diana'ish. Check appearance in mirror and dread going into the bathroom to see result of pg test. Go to kitchen to get glass of wine...oh shit I can't have wine with unborn child! Must be sensible and drink sparkling water. Mark pops in all of a sudden. He is early! Oh Shit!

Oh Gawd! Don't panic stay calm and be graceful in manner of Grace Kelly to impress my gorgeous barrister and loyal boyfriend who also has striking likeness to Colin Firth"

Mark says "I need to use the loo and be right back." Oh no! More panic. What to do?

All of a sudden I hear large crash in Bathroom. I go to investigate! It appears the notable and illustrious Mr. Mark Darcy has fainted dead away!

Mark is unconscious. Ring ambulance for emergency. Ambulance comes and takes the unconscious Mr. Darcy and I to St Thomas's Hospital.

Waiting in lounge (as I am not a relative at the moment) they wont give me any prognosis on Mark's condition. The sour looking faced woman behind the information counter seems rather put out with my babble about Mark's condition. Nurse Ratchet (from One flew over the Cuckoos Nest) replies in a terse and autocratic manner " Mr. Darcy condition is a private matter for relatives only" Bitch! Gawd, and here I am perhaps the mother of his unborn child!

Panic hits me. I call Shazzer. She answers.

"Bridget" what's the matter" I reply Mark had a bad spill in the loo and blacked out. I called ambulance and brought us to St Thomas." I said in a barely audible voice. Shazz said "I will be right down there, wait for us. I am coming with Tom". "Thanks for being such a wonderful urban family" I said sniffling" and rang off.

Shazz and Tom came within minutes of my ringing them. My urban family was reunited once again and thank God for Shazzer and Tom. Jude was out of town with vile Richard.

Watch out Nurse Ratchet!

Wednesday, January 13

8 st, alcohol units zero, calories non existent, sleep none, unconscious boyfriends 1, unplanned pregnancies unknown, cigs 0

Nurse Ratchet went off duty. Miracles do happen. Mark is in with physician. Me. I am on pins and needles. After Shazz and Tom arrived things began to happen. For one, the new nurse at the information counter was introduced to Mrs Darcy?

Feeling slightly confused I flushed and said "of course I am Mrs Darcy! The pretty nurse very politely said "I am Perpetua Jones and as soon as I get word from Mr. Darcy's doctor I will let you know. Why don't you go into the relatives lounge where this is some coffee and danish?" I was relieved and said "thank you".

We all rambled into the relatives lounge and waited. I fell asleep against Shazz on a comfy sofa and Tom snoozed in the wing back. At some point I thought I was dreaming when I feel someone or something gently shaking me...it was "Doctor Farnsworth". I blinked and slowly awakened realizing I had been asleep for several hours.

"Mrs Darcy" it took me a moment to realize that the Doctor was speaking to me. "Yes?" I blurted out? How is Mark? Will he be ok? Can I see him" came the rapid fire questions.

"Yes" Mrs. Darcy, Mark will be fine. I just examined him and he is conscious now. He experienced some trauma and slight edema to his right temporal lobe.. He is a bit wobbly from the concussion but I expect he can be released from Hospital in a couple of hours after some further observation. I want to make sure he is able to move under his own power. So I will give you a prescription for nausea and pain. I will have my nurse ring the chemist and make the arrangements.

I thanked him and feeling immense gratitude for this Doctor who helped beloved Mark!. But what to say to Mark? I had not a clue and feeling rather sheepish about seeing him. Maybe it's time to faint again and I did just that.

Was thankful in Hospital as was revived quickly. Find self lounging on sofa with Urban Family staring down at me and with show of great concern.

"What happened" I muttered struggling to sit up and feeling woozy. Tom says "Bridg you fainted! Just like in the movies".

How glamorous! I thought, just what I need a dramatic but concerned poof! Had feeling life about to change dramatically. But how? When? GAAH!

Thursday, January 14

8 st, alcohol units zero, boyfriend with concussion 1, fainting episodes 1, cigs 0

Got Mark back to my flat with help of Shazzer and Tom. Put Mark to bed and ordered Tom from room as ogles boyfriend way too much. Poof! No conversation from Mark other than grunts and he soon falls asleep. Typical male! Shazz and Tom both leave and I sigh with relieve and fall on sofa in front of telly from exhaustion. Fall Asleep. Wake up with bright light from window with sun shining in my eyes. GAAH! There should be a law against early morning!

I tip toe in to see how Mark is and no sign of movement. So I go into bathroom. For a moment forgot entire circumstances around the whole bloody situation and why Mark is now passed out in the bedroom. The whole night comes crashing back in vivid color. Pg test!

Bathroom is a mess. Cant find the bloody pg stick! Look everywhere in bathroom with no luck. Sod it! What the hell happened? More panic. Decide to take shower and freshen up as feel like wizened old spinster.

Emerge from shower more refreshed and calm. Hear Mark stirring in bedroom. Investigate and see Mark sitting upright with a quizzical look on his handsome face.

"Bridget how are you feeling this morning" . Feel like cornered animal and wishing to run from flat in a panic. I licked my lips and think of an answer and squeak out "I'm fine, though worried about you" "Well I am a bit woozy, but fine thanks." So polite and seem confused by beautiful boyfriend's response and funny look on face. I feel relieved he is ok. I finally get the nerve to ask "What happened in the bathroom last night" "Funny you should ask that" Mark says in a deep and throaty voice. "I think its time we had a chat don't you Mrs. Darcy?

How did he know? Fuccck! Another trip to Fairway Drugs!

My brilliant boyfriend calls into office and explains predicament of last night and explains he will not be in today. We spend the rest of the day laying in. Have shag feast. Gawd, this is true love!

Friday, January 15

8 st, alcohol units 0, shagathon 2, cigs 0, fantasies about Mark 3000

Mark dropped the bombshell. After our shag-a- thon yesterday, he said we needed to chat and he told me he was leaving on a important human rights case and going to America for at least 3 months. He is leaving in a fortnight! How could he leave me and no mention about his fall in bathroom? I love him? Oh Gawd? I love him! I love him!

Act like sophisticated singleton and don't panic at least not yet until urgent conference with urban family!

Mark laying next to me gives me lovely long snog then sadly leaves to take shower. Daydreaming as being Mrs Mark Darcy. Stop! Oh Gawd! Must not let on about wishful thinking and marriage to Mark Darcy. Cant think straight. Mark is leaving and going to spend time in America where there are several stick insects like that Lara! Bloody Hell!

Feel abandoned and lonely and Mark hasn't even left the flat! I hear Mark getting ready using razor in bathroom. Mark comes into bedroom and finishes dressing. Lovely, lovely man. Can't stop staring and he catches me at it again! GAAH he is too beautiful!

"Bridget, stop staring" Mark sounds a bit put off. Mark comes over to the bed places a kiss on my forehead and says "Will ring you later for a late supper at my place." I respond distantly "ok" and Mark leaves the flat.

Feels like Mark has left my heart. I sob and feel nothing but self loathing and pity!

First things first. Go to chemist and get new pg test. Go back to flat and wait for the longest 3 minutes in history waiting for a tiny line to appear and turn blue. What shall we call her or him? Noah? Mark Jr.. But if it's a girl? Something fabulous like Angelica or some other fantastic and exotic name? Don't have time to daydream as timer went off and need to look at results.

Oh my god! Its negative. Feel relief and deflated at same time. How could this be? Was I just sick with a touch of flu? Mark must have known or I know loyal Mark would not go off and leave me on my own! Would he? Bawstard! But what happened to the original pg test?

Call Jude, Shazzer and Tom for urgent strategy summit concerning the sudden news at Mark's impending departure to America. Need a pizza night with friends and watch the fabulous Mr. Darcy and his white clinging, wet shirt in Pride & Prejudice! I wish Magda was here, but out of country with Jeremy on holiday.

Friday, January 30

9 st gained more weight, alcohol units too many to count, cigs, 20 as nervous boyfriend leaving, carbs thousands!

Can't focus. Editor threatening to sack me if don't make deadline as promised on article featuring "Fabulous 30 and the Singleton! Will I be considered a singleton again when Mark leaves for California? I can't bear the thought! Lovely boyfriend spends a lot of time at office in preparation for departure. Feel lonely and rejected. Finish article and email to Editor at Hello Mag.

Call from Editor, Simon Pemberton.

"Bridget, article was good. I see you have had much experience as singleton and it shows in the article! Am silent for a moment and think to self, he said the opposite about my article about Colin Firth and injecting my personal experience in same. Dam Editor. Dam men in general! Recall still on phone with Simon as he shouts into receiver "Earth to bloody sodding Jones" "Yes?" I finally came out of my revery. "I have a new assignment for you". "and what would that be? " I said. "Sending you stateside for some articles of Singletons in America" replied my Editor. "Serious?" I was astonished! This is the answer to my prayers and I could be with Mark! "When do I leave" I nearly shouted. "Don't you want to know the details first? I will email your schedule and e-tickets. You leave in a few days and got to dash" and Simon rang off.

Call Mark at once with good news!

"Hello" Mark said. "Mark it's Bridg. I have some fantastic new Darling! I am being assigned to go to America and do some stories about Singletons! Isn't that bloody marvelous?" There was silence. Oh, this is not good. "Mark, did you hear what I said?" "Yes" came his non committal answer. Oh Gawd! Something is wrong. Bugger all! "Mark" I said. "This means we can be together in America!" All I heard at the other end was "Crikey" Uh oh! Trouble in paradise and I had that sinking feeling, again! "Mark? What is the matter? You don't sound at all pleased with my news" I spoke hesitantly. More silence. "Mark?" said again. "Yes Darling. I heard your news and am pleased for you" Mark said in a nonchalant way. Hmm this did not bode well. "But, Mark" I continued. "We can be together in America!" I sounded less than enthused. "Won't that be marvelous"? "Uh, yes of course. But there are some details they I have let on about my trip because I didn't want to distress you" Mark explained. Oh Gawd! "What exact details are you hiding from me?" clearly I felt fear. "Darling, Rebecca has been assigned to this case with me." Mark said in apologetic tone. Not again! "I wasn't sure how you would handle the news." "This isn't news it's a bloody awful nightmare! You are an arse too!" I shouted and hung up on him. Sodding arse!. Will things ever go smoothly with Mark and me?

Reach for bottle of Chardonnay and drink until I am pissed. Fall asleep. Wake up 3 hours later feeling awful and head pounding. Phone rings. Good news! Heard from Magda and Jeremy. They arrived from Costa Rica from their extended holiday. Need to ring Magda later.

Saturday, January 31

9 st 1 weight out control, alcohol, 25 units and counting, cigs, 15, carbs 3,000, boyfriend troubles 1, number hours sleep zero

After yesterdays nightmare, am knackered. After letting Mark know about my assignment we hit a bloody wall in paradise. Head pounding not sure from wine consumed or tense conversation with Mark. Have not heard from Mark. Still mad at him for lying to me about Rebecca. Well maybe not a lie, but he didn't bloody well tell me either! Vile men!

Silence is maddening. Have not heard from Mark since yesterday. That Bitch Rebecca probably gloating and can't wait to get her claws into Mark! Bell rings. A Delivery man with beautiful floral arrangement.

"Flowers for Miss Jones. Please sign here."

I signed and thanked him and closed the door. I opened the card which read "Darling, I am so sorry about causing you any distress and want you to know you are my one and only and let's have dinner tonight at my place and discuss "our" trip to America". Oh wonderful, lovely Mark. I do indeed love him with all my heart!

Dining at Mark's flat. Very romantic. I do believe Mark is really trying for my sake! Presented with black velvet box and attached note containing lovely poem.

Mark said "thought of you immediately, Bridg". Sweet man. Box contains a gold heart pendant. I replied to Mark "you will be amply reward later my liege!" Mark leans closer for a long snog and whispers " I will hold you to that promise Miss Jones". Sigh.

My Suburban Girl  
by Samuel Alfred Beadle

I know a sweet suburban girl,  
She's witty, bright and brief;  
With dimples in her cheeks; and pearl  
In rubies set, for teeth.

Beneath her glossy raven hair  
There beams the hazel eye,  
Bright as the star of evening there  
Where the yellow sunbeams die.

Her breath is like a flower blown,  
In fragrance and perfume;  
Her voice seems from the blissful throne  
Where their harps the angels tune.

Her waist is just a trifle more  
Than a cubit in its girth;  
But when there my arms I throw,  
I've all there is of earth.

And when she turns her dimpled cheek  
Toward me for a kiss,  
I lose expression—cannot speak—  
And take all there is of bliss.  
by Samuel Alfred Beadle

Starting weeping as mascara ran down cheeks. Ran to loo and try to regain composure. Come out feeling rather winsome. Could Mark love me? Oh Gawd! My happiness would be complete.

Mark arranged with his housekeeper to set up romantic lovely dinner near the fire in study. All I need now is Mark to show up in a white clingy shirt and resemble hero in P&P. Oh silly Bridget stop fantasizing about another Mr. Darcy. Remember New Year Resolution concerning Colin Firth! He is so gorgeous! Stop!

Discuss plans with Mark for departure to America in two days hence. Plan farewell dinner with Urban Family at local Pub. I need some new clothes! I need to pack! GAAH I need more than 2 days! Wonderful evening ends with wild love making with A1 sex god, Mark.

Ring Shazz got bloody voice mail..

"Shazzer! Hi its me Bridg! I need your help. Call Jude and Tom. Need to do shopping excursion no delay! Ring me back on my mobile."

I cant panic now. Panic later! Mobile rings. It's Jude!

"Thank God its you Jude," I shrieked! "Bridg calm down. I spoke with Shazzer and we will meet you at Debenhams's at 2 sharp for luncheon and shopping. "Bless you Jude and thanks for being such good friend." "Bridge, we love you too" Jude rang off.

Flat is in turmoil. Can't find passport! Ring Mark. "Hello Mark, it's me. I have an awful dilemma, I can't find my passport! I babbled! "Bridget" I know you and I have it with me for safekeeping, so no worries ok? I'll ring later. Bye, Darling".

Precious Mark. Must marry him for sure! Well, Mum and Auntie Una are sure about one thing and that is Mr. Mark Darcy.

Shopping trip a success. Found many gorgeous items to temp my lovely boyfriend!

Tuesday, February 2

9 st weight down a bit , alcohol, 15 units cigs, 10, carbs 2,000, fantastic shags 3, number hours sleep 8

The day is finally here! At Heathrow going to through customs and international terminal. Get to British Airways Terminal and face drops. Oh Gawd! It's Rebecca! Forgot about that one. She is looking very dishy in Ralph Lauren, But still a tart! Mark and I sit down and say hello to Rebecca.

"Mark you are looking dashing as ever" came her cat like reply. "Thanks Becky." Mark said being polite. But Becky? Bugger it! "Hello Rebecca" I said emphasizing her full name. "Well aren't we the world traveler little Bridget" came the tart's reply. "I am on assignment with my magazine as a serious journalist to explore singletons in America." I said rather stiffly. "Well" Rebecca countered, "I am sure you have loads of experience being a singleton yourself" Ouch.

Board plane. Thank Gawd "Becky" is elsewhere. Feel need to sleep but too wound up from latest encounter with she cat Rebecca!. Mark is reading a legal periodical. No luck there. Decide to sleep. Wake up feeling much better and able to face anything. Mark is gone? But where? To the loo? To Becky? Don't think those thoughts! He couldn't have gone far. Decide to explore cabin. Find Mark sitting next to "Becky" in business class and they are drinking sparkling wine and looking way to cosy! Decide to investigate further.

"Mark" I said. "Bridg you were asleep and decided not to disturb you. So I thought I could catch up on some work I needed to go over with Becky". Another jelly fish sting. But from Mark. Not good in my book. "Oh" was all I said and retreated.

Moments later Mr. Darcy shows up in his seat and me with no welcoming committee that is for sure! Feel betrayed and stupid again. Mark looking rather disappointed at my attitude.

"Darling, we have been over and over this ground before about Becky. Will you never understand it is you I love? "What" I said stunned? "What are you saying Mark, that you love me?" "Yes, that is precisely what I am telling you" Mark said with some emotion. In complete euphoria over last statement I throw my arms around Mark and shout "Yes".

Of course spill drink Mark was holding and woke up many on the plane but, all for love! Mark just smiled. True love always prevails.

Arrive JFK in New York. Switch planes and board Delta flight and heading toward San Francisco. California here we come. I wonder if Colin Firth is in town? These Americans drive on the wrong bloody side of the road!

Saturday, February 14

8 st lost pounds with major shag-a-thon , alcohol, 10 units cigs 2, carbs 2,500, gorgeous man 1

Cant believe it. Been two glorious weeks in California. And bonus am no longer tragic spinster singleton on St Valentines Day! Mark has planned secret getaway for mini break. Robert our driver has strict orders not to divulge location. Love my boyfriend!I smile to self.

We arrive in Pacific Grove at noon. A bit overcast. Weather not cooperating with romantic holiday. GAAH! Not to worry as stopped in front of a quaint bed and breakfast called The Green Gables. Mark has chosen well. This historic b&b built in 1888 and is right on the bay. Spectacular views! Though relatively young compared to places in Britain but lovely nonetheless.

Check into room. Was informed by clerk not to forget wine and hors d'oeuvreswill be served later on. Shown room with lovely view of coastline. It has a fireplace and a huge four poster bed done all in Victorian style. I am famished as had snog feast with Mark all the way down the coast from San Francisco.

"Bridg why don't you refreshen up while I make some calls." Mark said very thoughtfully. "Oh I could use a hot shower. Care you join me?" I asked saucily? Mark quirked his head at my sexy invitation. DING DONG! "Darling, I regret I cant as I have to ring Ambassador from Mexico to confirm our meeting Monday morning. But, save that thought" Mark winked and went out on the balcony to make his calls.

Decide to make self presentable and keep busy so boyfriend doesn't sense my desperation. Decide on hot bath. Shit where is our luggage? Oh well. Room stocked with all necessities for bathing so I decide to indulge myself with a long soak. Hear knock on door. Call to "Mark" answer the door!" I fairly shouted. No response. That is queer. Thought Mark in room still. Apparently not. Dam and Fuck.

Slosh out of tub and reach for towel while yelling "coming, hold on a sec". Present my self at the door and see very handsome young man grinning at me with our luggage. Now why do you suppose he is grinning like a Cheshire cat? Then I realize my faux pax. Oh Gawd, my towel didn't quite cover up all my wobbly bits! I shriek and rush back into the bathroom and slam the door. Realizing door was still ajar and I heard noise in our suite. Sounds like luggage.

"Ma'am my name is Eduardo and I am placing your luggage in you closet." Eduardo yelled from the outer room. I say a weak "thank you" and hear some more settling of our luggage and door close very discreetly.

Gawd, how embarrassing. I wonder if Eduardo will recognize me with my clothes on? Hmmm. I feel wicked.. What would Mark think?

Completed my soak and dried off with big fluffy Egyptian and lay down on soft bed and feel right to sleep. Next thing I know Mark is shaking me awake and doesn't look to pleased!

Blast!

"Bridget!" Mark fairly shouted. "Who was that chap coming out of our suite". I was still groggy and replied "Eduardo". Thinking again how dashing he was. "He just left our luggage" I remarked interested in this new side of Mark.. I know he was embittered about Daniel Cleaver but , ding dong, is he jealous? Gloat to self. "Mark, got all your issues resolved about your meeting" I said trying to divert the conversation. "Blast it Bridget, forget about my bloody meeting and answer the question!" Mark said rather loudly. "Mark, what is the matter? You acting like a school boy shouting that way at me. You weren't in the suite. I wrapped a towel around myself and answered the bloody door!" I retorted right back at him.

Gawd! What happened to sweet Mark? Mark flushed, turned about and left the suite slamming the door.

Well I decided to unpack. Pulling out all of my toiletries and placing them in the bathroom, I noticed they empty pregnancy test box. Hmm think to self in chaos of packing I must have grabbed by accident. Go to throw box in waste bin and by chance glance at side of box. See some kind of date? Hmm. What could this be? Oh My God, it says this pregnancy test expired 6 months ago?

Shit! Don't panic. Does this mean I could be pregnant? But, I don't recall any symptoms except fainting episodes before leaving London. Could this be true? Stay calm but decided to cry not sure if I am happy or sad after latest row with Mark.

After Mark came back to our suite later that afternoon, said he was "sorry" and said that he had a grand surprise for me the following day. We had a long lovely snog and passionate shag on floor by fireplace. Very romantic. Fell asleep for an hour and awoke famished and needing food. Got ready and made it in time for wine tasting and appetizers. Settle for non-alcoholic wine stating "I am cutting out carbs". Appetizers were heavenly.. Go back to room. Notice messages on Marks mobile. Mark checks messages and says its "bloody Rebecca!" Gawd, that woman is a menace I mumble to myself! Thank God Mark decides to call "Becky" later.

We decide to dress for dinner as we have reservations at 8pm that evening. Mark calls from the bathroom to "Please get his jacket from the closet". I said "Ok" and get the jacket. Notice something sticking out of pocket. Pulled out object! It was the missing pregnancy stick! Holy Shit! Act like nothing has happened! Bloody hell!

Call round for Robert to pick us up and drive to the Monterey Inn. The restaurant was scenic and secluded. Very romantic indeed. Roaring fire was very cosy for two. Mark ordered for both of us. Very smart thing this Mark of mine! Had the Grilled Salmon with shallots and butter and sauteed vegetables. Mark has a glass of Chardonnay and I enjoy sparkling water. Feel very important at the moment and object of affection.! Enjoyed decadent dessert of raspberry sorbet topped off with a cappuccino. Mark was thoroughly entertaining and engaging the whole night and also very, very attentive. Thank you Eduardo! In denial and dread of precarious life altering state. Proceeded to entice boyfriend for romantic walk along the quay and that is just what we did!

We walked slowly passing many quaint shops and posh restaurants. Remember to check out interesting stores.

"Mark" I stated quietly. "Ever thought about children?" came the my question. Mark looking a bit taken back by that last question remarked "Sorry?". I asked again "Ever thought about children?" "Not as such" came the non-committal reply.

We both continued our walk in silence back to the car where our driver was waiting for us. Oh no. Did I blunder again?

As we lay in bed that night, the silence was deafening. Mark gave me a quick peck on the cheek said a quick "Night" and rolled over and fell asleep.

I lay there thinking. How can I tell him about being a father? He didn't even sound the slightest bit interested in children. Gawd, we weren't even married? Did he even want marriage and children? The questions keep pouring through mind until early morning when sleep finally claimed me.

Sunday, February 15

8 st , alcohol,0 units cigs o, carbs 2,500, pregnancies 1, nerves a ton

Get early morning call. Sod her. Its that bloody Rebecca. Can't she leave us alone for a moment? Mark answers. "Mark got a bit of a sticky wicket" I can barely hear Rebecca say. "What is it" came the sleepy reply from Mark. "Ambassador Gomez" can't meet with us on Monday morning as he needs to leave the country and fly back to Mexico City for some border patrol issue" says Rebecca. I bet she is gloating! "Look , give me a few minutes. I will make some calls and see what can be done as we need to meet with him right away regarding our case deadline"

Mark sounded annoyed with this latest development. Final goodbyes were said and Mark hung up.

"Bridg, sorry Sweeting. I need to attend business today. But the surprise I mentioned last night is a spa date at La Spa at Carmel by the Sea. While I am busy you can relax and enjoy the whole day to yourself. Robert will drive you down to Carmel for the day" came the dreaded explanation.

"I suppose." I meekly said. " I guess I can go alone today. Who knows, it might be an adventure indeed." "Thanks for understanding" and his kiss was worth the sacrifice.

The life of a Barrister! Bollocks! Mark, lovely Mark. Little did he know I had a huge surprise for him that will be here in about 8 months.

I went down to breakfast alone. Gawd, this was suppose a most perfect weekend with the most perfect man. Even though he fold's his underpants. Who does that?

Mark is off phoning ever body in Mexico and I am on my way to the day spa. The drive is very scenic and relaxing. We get there in no time. It's an adobe building with many palm trees and fountains in the main portico. Once I cross the threshold I feel instant peace. Aww, I needed this. I am greeted by a pleasant young woman behind the counter.

"Hello. I am Helene. How may I assist you?" "Oh my name is Bridget Jones and I have a 10 am appointment for a spa day" I said. "Oh, yes Ms. Jones. We were expecting you." came her polite response. "We have you down for a full Swedish body massage for an hour with Karla and after that a facial with Margarite. After that, a light luncheon preceded by a manicure and pedicure. After which you will have your choice of a yoga class, energy body alignment session or relaxing in our whirlpool bath. But you have plenty of time to decide." Wow, she didn't even take a breathe that whole time! I again said "thank you" and she told me to be seated it would be just a moment.

A spa attendant by the name of Greta greeted me and asked me to follow her. Greta was very efficient and silent along the way so I just followed her. As I was walking I heard something fall out of my purse and drop to the floor. In the mean time Greta continued on without looking back to see my fall behind. My lip stick case had fallen out on the floor and rolled underneath a desk. I picked up the case and put it back in my purse to look up and see no sign of Greta! This place was huge building and had 3 separate corridors stemming off from the area I was in. GAAH. So I feel confidant and head down the corridor to the right. Surely Greta had come this way? No one in sight. Gawd. So very carefully decide to open closest door.

The room was bathed in candlelight with soothing music playing. It was a bit dark so I couldn't really see anything. Obviously the occupant of the room heard the door opening and said.

"I am ready now" in a deep and sexy voice.

Hmm. Ready for what I am thinking and feeling very nervous and start to close the door when there is another sharp bark from inside the darkened room.

"Stop, where are you going? Definitely a male voice. It sounded strangely familiar. I was so embarrassed I closed the door too quickly and stumbled and fell hitting the floor hard with a loud thud.

I hear the door open and from behind I heard "What the bloody hell is going on?"

I was face down and turned to look with abject horror on my face. It was non other than Colin Firth"

"Good God, I know you" Colin yelped. Standing in nothing but a towel.

I felt like a cornered animal still laying on the ground total immobile and utterly useless.

"Here now, let me help you up. Give us a hand up now" Colin said with a little more compassion in his voice.

I extended my hand toward Colin and in the melee my purse got caught on his towel and the towel came off. I was so mortified I wanted the earth to swallow me up. My face was flushed when I quickly glanced a very lithe and sexy Colin grabbing for the towel to cover up his manly parts.

"Oh, Gawd" was all I could muster. When from out of nowhere I hear another familiar voice say "What the hell is going on here Bridget?"

It was Mark. Fuuuuuuccck! I know I could explain this, but how?

"Mark!" I said rather shrilly. I lost my way and stumbled upon Colin Firth. I went to look for the spa attendant and lost my way and in the process opened a door and found Colin. In my hasty exit I fell and Mr Firth heard my distress and kindly came to my aid."

See explanation was reasonable. But not the look on Marks face. He wasn't buying it. In the meantime I hear Colin.

"Please excuse me, as I have no clothes on and its rather cold out here in the hall. I can assure this mishap was an accident and it was so coincidental you happen upon us at the time you did. My profuse apologies and kindly excuse me."

Colin Firth made a quick retreat. Mr. Darcy a coward? This whole thing is madness! Wonder if he would allow me an interview while he is in town? One can only hope.

Mark takes me by the arm and leads me down the hall to the room where I was to have a massage. The door closes and we are alone. Mark is brooding.

"Come now" I chide him. "Could happen to anybody" came my perky and nervous response. "Bridget I know this may come as a shock to you, but proper ladies do not engage men whom they hardly know in less than bathroom attire" he said haughtily. "Mark, who do you think you are to look down at your nose to me like that? I didn't intend on some seduction of Colin Firth and you know that! Unfortunately it is one of those mishaps we can someday tell our children about"

I said with more confidence than I felt. "What the devil are you referring to Bridget?" Mark said.

Well, for one, you can explain to me why I found my pregnancy stick in your coat pocket and you had to realize it was positive and not let on about it? I don't call that very honorable Mark and another thing I do believe we are too have a child around September I believe. Now if you are through yelling at me, I think I want to cry a bit as this has been a most stressful day and you have been a real prat" I sobbed out and left Mark to his thoughts.

Spent rest of day in spa in silence with Mark not uttering a word. What does he have to be so haughty about? I am the one going get fat and bloated and he will still be gorgeous and find me disgusting no doubt. Don't think about things now. Blasted Mark!

Ride back to our bed and breakfast was too quick. Stepped out of car and decide I need to devote more time to my research for article on singletons in America. Mumble unintelligibly to Mark I need to do some work and decide to walk short ways into town. Make quick escape.

Aww. I can breathe easier and try to find a place loaded with singletons? A Pub? Perfect place. Walk a bit down to Bubba Gumps. Seems very active and lots of singletons milling around outside bar enjoying warm sunshine, drinks and appetizers! Excellent! Found perfect spot.

Sit at bar and order a sparkling water and order chips. The waiter says "chips?" I say "potatoes..fried" "Oh, you mean french fries!" understood the waiter. "Yes, that would be lovely" thank you. Waiter took order and left.

I was searching the throngs of people looking for someone to interview. I noticed a table of all younger women perhaps in their early 30's. I decide to have a go at chatting to them about being single.

"Hi" I said feeling rather good at the moment considering impending motherhood. I see 4 pairs of eyes on me.

The pretty blonde says "Hi are you from England?" "Yes, I am" I replied. "Love your accent" she said. I said "what accent?". We all laughed.

I explained my reason for chatting with them and they were more than happy to assist me! Rest of afternoon was very entertaining and informative. Took copious notes and still thinking about on remark one of the singletons indicated I looked like Renee' Zellweger! Wasn't she in a movie about singletons? Must do more research.

Yes, indeed a most productive day!

Went back to B&B at a leisurely pace. Browsed a few shops and select a few souvenirs for urban family and parents. Return to face the music and Mark!

Quietly tipped toed into suite. Find everything too quiet. Where is Mark? There is a knock on the door. Go to answer. Its Rebecca! GAAH! Want to scream but remain calm

"Well if it isn't Becky. Come round to sniff for Mark I thought silently. "Bridget, Mark asked me come down since we have an early flight tomorrow as we are meeting with Ambassador Gomez in Mexico City" Rebecca seemed to gloat. "What?" When was this decided?" I sounded less than pleased." "Mark rang me earlier to come down here and set up all the arrangements. I also am staying here tonight since Mark & I have an early flight out of San Jose. I took the liberty to extend your time down here for a few more days". Rebecca said with a queer look in her eye. "Oh" was the only thing I said and slammed the door!

Why is the only thing I can say to Rebecca is oh? Stupid, stupid me! Wonder where Mark is?

The object of my affection just showed up. I was soaking in the tub.

"Bridget, where are you?" Mark bellowed from the other room. "Mark, I am in the bath. Be out in a moment". I shouted.

I sat there sullenly wondering what to say or do for that matter. I dried off and put on my robe and looked for Mark. He was sitting in front of the fire looking tired and worn out even after a day at the Spa.

"Hello". I said softly. Keeping my distance was my only defense with this man. "Bridget, where have you been? I was worried sick about you" came his surprising answer. "But Mark, I told you I was going down town to do some browsing and some work. You know you aren't the only one who has deadlines and I am serious journalist" I added for good measure. "Well since you are having our child I wanted to make sure you were all right. You do have a way of not telling me things like the incident of not being able to ski and nearly falling off the mountain you silly" Mark expressed.

Was this concern for me or just the baby? Wasn't sure. Tread carefully. Don't want to fall off mountain as he put it.

"Mark, that horrid Rebecca showed up here earlier looking for you. I do believe she gets a perverse sense to needle me any chance she gets. I have had a rough day and I don't really need to bother with her. Sod her!" the hormones really kick in. "Not to mention, since I had lost the pregnancy stick which I later found in your waist coat and it showed positive, I had since taken another test and it was negative. But come to find out the box said the test had expired." I said frantically. "Well Darling the only logical thing to do is call a Doctor" Mark said calmly. "Oh" I hadn't thought about that". I nodded in wonder.

Brilliant man!

Tuesday, February 17

8 st and counting, cigs 0, missing boyfriends 1, alcohol units 0, carbs thousands!

Am adapting healthy life as true California native. Oh Christ, what am I doing? Get massive emails from Simon Pemberton at Hello mag asking for article outline. Work frantically most of morning on article outline and pleased with progress made. Sent draft to Simon to barely make bloody deadline. Oh Shit. Promised Mark to call a Doctor and get test done.

Find phone book and look up physicians. Find one sounds most agreeable and make an appointment with Doctor Howser at Monterey Women's Clinic for 4 pm. Soak in a hot bath and relax prior to appointment. Call round for the car. Knock on door. Open door and its Eduardo. Ding Dong.

"Miss Jones, I have a rose for you" he says with much pleasure. He is grinning like a loon. "Well, this is a surprise. Do you know from who?" I ask tentatively? "I was asked not to divulge that information" He said smoothly. I think it must be from Mark. "Why thank you very much indeed" I said and closed the door. No note. Interesting, very interesting.

Mark must feel bad about leaving me and spending time with that tart Rebecca. Yes that must be it. But one thing is for sure, I love Mark Darcy and nothing can come between true love. Spoken like a true romantic. But is it true?

Get unexpected call from Simon Pemberton. "Simon, this is a surprise" I said.

"Listen Bridget, I just got a call from Colin Firth's agency. His agent is scheduling publicity and photo shoot for his new picture he is in and asked for you to conduct the interview for our mag" Simon said. "Me?" I was stunned. "Oh My Gawd, I saw him naked" I blurted out to Simon? What the bloody hell are you about Bridget?" Simon was obviously annoyed. "What? Oh nothing. I just happened to run into Colin here in Monterey." I said. "Christ, Bridget, don't botch this interview with Colin or you will get sacked for sure. By the by, draft for article was decent. I will forward the particulars to you about the interview with Colin via email." Simon hung up.

Wow such praise from Simon. My luck must be changing! Head to Doctors appointment.

I quickly arrive at doctors office. I speak with Robert, my driver. Such luxury. I shall ring him when I am ready to be picked up. Robert nods and heads off to parts unknown. I step into the office a bit unsteady. The reception nurse takes my information and escorts me to an exam room. Gawd, these examinations are humiliating to women. More like a peep show rather than proper doctor visit. Quite pervy, indeed. I hear a knock at the door. It's the Doctor! My time of reckoning, no doubt.

Wednesday, February 18

8 st 2 and counting, cigs 0, missing boyfriends 1, alcohol units 0, carbs 3,500 as feeling very hungry

Arrive at San Jose Airport to pick up Mark. I am so excited to see him as we have been parted for 3 whole days. Seems like 3 years. Waiting in baggage area for his flight to arrive. See stream of people heading toward luggage carousal.

Cant wait to see Darling Mark and tell him of latest new developments! Mark did ring a few times but decide to keep news to self of impending parenthood. After all we are not even married. Not sure how Mark will take it as not sure he even likes children. Must purchase book on becoming parents and raising children. I am sure there is not much too it. As I recall, I was once a child myself and I turned out, if nothing, but agreeable.

Saw Mark and waved. Oh, Sod it all. That despicable Rebecca. Holding onto Mark a like some clinging vine. She has her nerve and right in front of me to boot!

"Darling! Mark pecked me on my cheek like greeting some old auntie! I flushed and realized Rebecca is limping a bit. Probably a feminine trick! "Rebecca, what has happened?" with mock concern. "Oh Dearest Mark, saved me from falling when I tripped over some clumsy lout's luggage in terminal." was the cat's reply.

Mark said he would retrieve "their" luggage and putting to much emphasis on their for my tastes and left me to entertain this vile creature. Oh Gawd. I wanted this to be a romantic reunion. But 3 is a crowd and apparently I was the third wheel.

"So Rebecca, do you think you need see a doctor about your injury?" "Oh, no I will be fine. Just a bit of hot and cold and will be right as rain"

Mark returned with all the luggage and we went in search of our car. Saw Robert at curb. He came forward quickly retrieving the luggage and placing it in the boot.

"Bridget, why don't you ride in front with Robert, so I can assist Rebecca into the car with her injured ankle."Mark indicated. Nasty bawstard.

What about my "condition".? I got into the front seat and ignored the lot of them. Blast her. Blast Mark. Will our life ever be in sync?

It was a quiet ride back to San Francisco.

Arrive at Rebecca's corporate flat. Mark escorts her inside and makes sure she is settled. Gawd, why doesn't he shown that same concern for me? Proceed to our flat. Mark seems very distracted.

"Mark, did you have a fruitful trip?" asking hopefully to start a conversation. "Oh yes, it went very well indeed. Actually, much better than anticipated. You see there has been a development". "A development" I questioned. "Yes. Its seems that ambassador I met with has other business interests in Mexico which require much attention. Mark stated. "What has that to do with you" I was surprised. "Well, a job offer has been presented to me" came the startling news. "Well, what about your practice in England? What about all your human rights cases? People depend on you in England" thinking mostly of myself and my need for Mark. "Bridget, it is something I wanted to discuss with you and our future together. I have not as yet made any decisions as there are several details yet I need to consider before entering into this endeavor" Mark sighed. "Well, what are you saying about our future?" I sounded apprehensive. "While this may be a golden opportunity for me to expand my legal expertise more globally, I am yet undecided and need your counsel about this matter." "I see."Well that is the whole crux of my dilemma Bridget" Mark said flatly."The position had one caveat" "Which is?" feeling numb. "I am expected to leave England indefinitely."

All my hopes dashed. But our stay in America was for only suppose to be a short time I thought. My work visa only allows me to stay in the country for 3 months! Mark is talking about forever! I don't want to live in some foreign country!

We finally arrive at our flat on Nob Hill. It was a clear and breezy day. The wind was whipping around us. Gawd, I feel like I am in a bloody nightmare. No wonder Mark seemed distracted lately. I trudge up the stairs and into the sitting room and you could see the Bay Bridge and Treasure Island from out vantage point. The view didn't bring me any joy today. Just impending doom. I sit there in my coat and Mark comes in and sits down. I hear Robert leaving the remainder of our baggage in the foyer downstairs and retreats silently.

"Mark. When do they need an answer?" I asked. "By the end of the month". More silence. "I don't know what to say. I had expected a jubilant return and now its disaster" I finally said. "Well I am going to lay in for a bit. I am rather tired. Here I think you should look at this" I handed Mark my tests results and left the room.

I was staring at the ceiling when I heard a knock at the bedroom door. "Its me, Mark Can I come in?" he asked. "Enter". "Are you disappointed by the results?" he sounded concerned. "Well, at first I was until I realized we weren't married and the complications that would entail not to mention our overly solicitous parents and their views about unmarried people . Christ, it's too much pressure" I didn't want to think anymore. Add insult to injury I went to the wrong bloody doctor. I wasn't pregnant. I have an over active thyroid! All those symptoms! Bollocks!

Mark snuggled up with me and gave me a tender kiss and fell asleep. Woke up later and the room is dark. Look at clock and its almost 7 pm. Mark is still asleep. So I tip toe out of the room and go to the kitchen to put kettle on for tea. Walk into the sitting room and watch the fog roll in. The city is beautiful this time of day. I hear the kettle whistle and softly pad back into the kitchen. Pull out a mug and pour the steaming water into tea pot and add the tea. Let the tea steep for a bit and sit down at the table. Thinking what is going to happen? Mobile rings.

I see it's Simon from Hello magazine. "Hello Simon. What can I do for you?" "Bridget, I just emailed details about your interview with Colin Firth. Now, remember not to ask any personal questions about his love life OR playing bloody Darcy in Pride&Prejudice! Simon fairly shouted. "Simon I swear those questions were on the approval list authorized by his agent! I defended myself. "Just don't fuck it up Bridget or its sack time". He hung up.

Good thing he doesn't know about the Carmel incident with Colin and me! Think wicked thoughts and get lost in my reverie. I hear a floor board squeak in the other room and hear Mark coming out the bedroom. Mark finds me sitting in kitchen.

"Hello" I said. "Feeling better after a nap?" "Yes, quite. Thanks." "Like some tea?" I asked. "That would be lovely" came his sleepy reply.

I get up from table and get another mug and pour the hot steaming liquid into both mugs. There was a long pause. Both lost in thought. Mark casually notice's red roses in vase. "Lovely, roses. Did you get those from the market?" he questioned. I quirked my head. "Those aren't from you?" "No". "Bridget? Who are they from?" "I don't have a clue. I thought they were from you." "There was no card?" "None" I said. "Before I left Carmel, Eduardo brought 4 roses to me each without a note and he wouldn't disclose who they came from" I explained. Mark looked peeved.

Feeling like one of Mark's defendants being cross examined. "Look, I honestly thought they were from you and I don't have clue who sent them. Are you suggesting otherwise?"

I said testily. "What I really wonder Bridget, if we are at all suited to one and another? We are always at odds with one another with little civility" Mark raised his voice. I looked abashed. "What do you mean by all that?" I asked haughtily. "Does it occur to you that I have been very good sport about Rebecca, not to mention your early departure from our mini holiday and don't forget about they way you placate Rebecca in front of me acting like I am not even there half the time!" "I do believe you have said enough" Mark grounded out. "Not even" I retorted. "I will make myself scarce Mr. Darcy if I offend you so much! I stomped out of the kitchen.

I ran into the bedroom and slam the door. Damn Mark Doesn't he know how much I love him? I don't think so. Maybe Mark is right. This will not work out. There is too much friction between the two us. How did things get so complicated? I decide I need to escape from the flat. I pack an overnight case with a few things. Ring Robert to bring the car around and left flat.

Friday, February 19

8 st , cigs 10, alcohol units 25, carbs 3,500 as I feel out of control, number of boyfriends 0

Started smoking again. Been two whole days and have ignored Mark's calls. Wanker Mark! I am still fuming about fight. Decide to stay at a hotel nearby the flat. Very posh. Am feeling low. Leaving at 3pm this afternoon to go do the interview with Colin Firth in Los Angeles. Ring Robert to bring the car around to my hotel. Robert is efficient and silent as ever. Even upcoming interview with Colin Firth can ease the ache in my heart. Have bell desk retrieve little luggage I have and head to lobby. Mobile rings. Oh Shit, its Mark.

"Yes" I answered. "Bridget, I am worried sick. This is madness. Mark sounds really concerned. "Mark, I am leaving for the airport" trying to sound calm but my heart was pounding. "Where are you going?" I replied "I am going on an assignment to Los Angeles" I want going into any detail. Sod him. He stung my pride and practically accused me of cheating with some stranger!

"Bridget, we need to talk" Mark said urgently. "Look Mark, maybe you were right about our uncivility and incompatibility" I said with more conviction than I felt. " Bridget, I was a stupid arse" Mark sounded sorry. My heart melted. "Oh Mark! What shall become of us?" I cried. "Perhaps we should become married people" with a catch in his voice. "What? To each other you mean?" "Yes" he tenderly said. "Mark?" "Yes?" "I love you". "Bridget, do you know that this is the first time you have said that?" "Oh Mark" and the mascara ran and ran that day.

Mark is full of surprises. He was in the car when Robert arrived for me. "Mark!" I ran to him. We had a lovely, long snog in front the hotel. Too bad it wasn't snowing!

Saturday, February 20

8 st , cigs 5, alcohol units 5, carbs 2,000 , number of Fiance's 1

Been in LA just one day and my happiness is complete. I am engaged to the fabulous and gorgeous man, Mark Darcy!

Mark had Robert drive us to San Francisco International for my flight leaving for LA at 3pm. Arrived 3 hours early and decide to go to lounge for a mini celebration. Mark even loosened a bit and seemed quite content. We spoke nothing more of his impending job proposal. That was the only dark cloud in the sky. Whether Mark shall take the solicitor position and we live abroad. Not yet end of month and wont think about that now.

Phone rings. "Hello" "Yes, Bridget Jones?" came the sultry voice on the phone. "Yes. I said. "I am Colin Firth's publicity agent Ms.Woodfruff and need to confirm his appointment for the interview" she practically whispered. Feeling envious of this girl's job. "Mr Firth has an hour available at 2 pm this afternoon. Please come round then. He is staying at the Peninsula Beverly Hills. You will need to see the guest services manager and she will escort you to Mr. Firth's suite. Her name is Melinda Sanders." Ms Woodruff sounded quite proficient. "Yes will do then. Thank you" and we both rang off. I raised my eyebrows. We are staying at the same hotel. Lovely, lovely. Must keep mind focused on interview details and not on fantasy wedding with Mark.

Decided on long soak in bath. Decided to wear newest dress I purchased in Monterey. Lovely. flowing black dress with modest sling back pumps and pearls for an elegant touch. Pull hair back in a classic chignon and peruse self. Wow. I scrubbed up well and ready to face Mr Firth.

Look at clock. Its 1:50. Must go downstairs to meet with what was her name? Melissa? Not sure. Will just ask for manager to save embarrassment. Took bank of elegant lifts playing soothing classical music. Find guest services and ask for manager.

"May I see the manager please?" I asked. "Which Manager Ma'am?" replied the man. "Oh Gawd, I forget her name! Must be in my room" I mentioned. "Well, there is a Melisande, Melody or Melinda?" he said. "You cant be serious? " I felt panicky. "Look, I was to report here so someone could escort me to see Colin Firth. I know her name begins with an "M" but not sure of her first name and it's almost 2pm. I must not be late" I said savagely.

The little man blanched under my scrutiny. "Bridget?" came the voice from behind me" I spun around quickly to see who the voice belonged too. It was Colin. Bollocks! "Hello, Colin. I was just asking someone to escort me to your suite for your interview" I responded. "I figured you may need a bit of assistance given our past association" Colin retorted rather humorously. I gulped. "Of course, Colin" thanking him for his kindness and turning bright pink.. The clerk was ease-dropping on the entire conversation. Gawd knows he must think. He looked at me like I am some common tart for Mr. Firth's pleasure!

Last time I saw Colin was without a towel. Actually, he looks great both ways I think as we whisk up in the lift to his secured floor. He had appeared like Mr Darcy from P&P looking fabulous in a white shirt over jeans. Ding Dong. Nice lean torso and in very good shape. Bridget stop daydreaming. I am a serious journalist and must focus I reproach self.

The lift arrives smoothly at the secured floor and we step out. At the present moment a mother and what appears as her two daughters stared at us. The mother asks "Aren't you Colin Farrell the movie actor" she gasped. Colin politely said "No I am not. Actually I am Heath Ledger" Colin said and winked at me. Oh Gawd. I said "But" and Colin indicated let's go. We did and left some star gaping fans in our wake.

I continue to follow Colin down the corridor and to the end with a double entry door. Colin slipped in his room key and opened the door and allowed me to enter first. The view and the room was spectacular. Nice wood grains with post cream coaches with potted palms. Very California indeed. Colin pointed to a chair and proceeded to the wet bar next to the fire place.

"Care for a drink" he asked. "Yes, sparkling water if you have it" Colin poured the beverages and handed me a glass with the sparkling water. He proceeded to sit opposite me on the couch and stretched his long legs on the coffee table. I stared for a moment then quickly pretended to notice some non existent lint on my dress. I don't think he noticed.

"So. I would like to put a matter to rest and then get on with the interview." He mentioned. "Alright. I said woodenly. Now I feel like a virginal school girl. Gawd, I have interviewed him before. What is the matter with me? Yes, but with clothes on not in the buff in some spa I thought feeling flushed again.

"Bridget, I do hope I can count on your discretion about our last meeting without it hitting the international news" he inquired. "Mr Firth, Colin I am the height of discretion" I assured him. "That is good to know" he responded smiling and completely unnerving me. This was going to be a long interview.

So I set up a tape recorded and began the questioning. Remember no spontaneous P&P Darcy questions and certainly no questions about his love life. Everything was going smoothly until the last question.

Mr Darcy how do you feel about current politics in Britain" I asked confidently. "Sorry" was the response. "I asked how do you feel about politics" I asked again. "Bridget, my name is Colin not Mr. Darcy" Colin reminded me. "Fuck" I said out loud not realizing. Colin let lose a huge laugh. "Bridget, do you know you are the most enlivening journalist I have ever encountered" I brightened a bit and said "Well Colin you are the most handsome actor I have ever seen without a towel." I countered. "Maybe one day I shall have the same pleasure" Colin countered and winked. I was speechless. Did Colin just flirt with me? Hmmm.

I packed up all my interview things and Colin politely said he would escort me to the lift. Colin was very attentive and very sweet I thought. What nice manners he has. His wife is very lucky indeed. Colin pushed the lift button and waited while the lift arrived. Just then the door opened and I turned to thank Colin and I was suddenly jerked into the lift backwards. Colin reacted but none too quickly. As two huge men in masks grabbed him and dragged him in next to me. They placed a gag in my mouth and it was hard to breathe. Gawd. I see Colin struggling next to me and looking at me in disbelief. This cant be happening I reasoned. The doors to the lift quickly close and we are both on the floor gagged. Colin stopped struggling when one of the masked men said "not another word" with menace in his voice. I stayed quiet unsure what to do. Colin and I looked at each other again both of us realizing the nature of our peril. Had no one witnessed our abduction? The lift came to a stop and the doors opened. We had arrived at some car park. Still no sign of anyone. Oh Gawd. Colin can see the panic in my eyes. He gives me a reassuring look. Each man grabs Colin and places a clothe over his mouth and nose rendering him unconsciousness. They carry him to a parked car nearby. I make sudden move and hit the lift button. The men realize the doors are closing as I watch in panic as they make a dash toward the lift. Thankfully the doors closed.


	2. Chapter 2

After hours of sitting in the main ball room being grilled by detectives by the events that took place a little over 5 hours ago, I start to shiver uncontrollably. Mark where are you when I need you? I felt desolate.

I recall sitting in the lift and froze with fear. Not realizing the blasted lift was not moving and those men at moment could pounce on me. Gawd, I didn't feel this much fear in the Thai prison. With my foot. I hit a button and waited breathlessly for the lift to move. Thankfully it did just that. The door opened at some floor I didn't recognize. Watching me with curiosity was a man and woman looking quite taken back with the scene I presented.

My dress was bunched up over my knickers and to add to my humiliation, I still had the bloody rag in my mouth. The gentleman in question had the forethought to extend his hand to help me up and removed the wad of clothe from my mouth.

I started babbling and crying uncontrollably. "Here, here now" came the calm voice. "Do tell us what has happened" was his kind reply. "Oh Gawd, something hideous has happen to the person I was just interviewing" sniffling with un-lady like noises. "I..we were saying good bye and these huge men with masks grabbed us and hauled us into the lift like sacks of meal and gagged us. They threatened us to be quiet. Next thing I know they took the gentlemen that was with me, uh I mean us, to a private car park and removed him from the lift and rendered him unconscious" was all I could muster as an explanation and burst into another epidemic of tears.

Oh My God. Someone has kid-napped Mr. Darcy!

Without delay, the kindly man used the lift phone and rang for help. At once there were security personnel all around and escorting me to the ballroom. From what I could gather from hushed tones, they security camera's had caught the whole incident on surveillance and sent back-up. I later learned that the kindly gentleman and lady were actually Colin's parent. Stroke of luck?

"Ma'am" can I have a word with you the detective inquired. "More questions? I answered. "Just a brief question I assure. I am Detective Lomax. Did you realize that in the abduction, that your recorder was on the whole time and caught the conversation of the masked men?" he questioned. "I didn't know" thinking self journalistic hero. "So is Mr Firth ok I mean?" I was afraid know the answer. "Mr Firth is resting comfortably in his suite. We have a body guard with him at the present moment." replied the detective. He was looking oddly at me. "Miss Jones, do you know who these men were?" I was appalled by that question. "How the bloody hell do I know who they were?" I felt indignant. "Well, we found this in the elevator when we were doing our forensic investigation" I was stunned by what he had shown me. It was a red rose just like the one given to me only the week before.

"Oh My God, that looks like the same rose I was sent when I was staying in Monterey last week. I thought my fiancee had given them to me as a surprise gesture when he left our mini-break early on business to Mexico" I felt drained. How could this be happening and why? I needed to call Mark!

"We are not ruling out any possibilities out at this point Miss Jones" came the non-committal response. "Wot?" I was lost in reverie. "I said, we are not ruling out any possibilities at this point" he seemed to at ease for my taste. "As a matter of fact, er detective, my fiancee didn't know who sent the flowers either" thinking I was defending Mark's honor and character, or so I thought. "Actually, he was a bit put off by the whole matter come to think" I spoke carefully trying to recall episodes of CSI. "Oh another little matter Miss Jones" "Yes?" feeling fear creep up my spine. "We have some suspects in custody that we would like you to try and identify" Detective Lomax looked at me like I had anything to with this whole bloody mess. "Wanker" I hissed under my breath. "Pardon? Did you say something Miss Jones?" he is vile I thought. "No" and he escorted me from the ballroom for parts unknown.

Though to self remain calm in face of potential danger. Hadn't I been a singleton in London and maneuvered through worse cock-up's than this? GAAH! I thought we walked forever. One corridor after another. Many turns and twists and finally came to closed door.

"Are we here?" I ventured. "Yes" is all he said. He knocked on the door. Another unfamiliar face came into view as the door swung wide open. I hesitate to enter the room. Sitting at a table not 5 feet from me was someone I knew. Oh My Gawd! I know that face! "Its Eduardo" I exclaimed pointing my finger in his direction. The bloody cad had the nerve to wink at me! Even though an alleged criminal. I rather fancied his looks still. Oh Gawd, thinking carnal thoughts about scoundrel who tried to kidnap Mr. Darcy!

Silly, silly Bridget. Keep your wits about you, I chided myself. Still, I took once last look at beautiful Eduardo and I was whisked away by the detective.

Sunday, February 21

8 st , cigs 15 as very nervous aiding the capture of criminal, alcohol units several to drown out thought of capture, carbs to bloody tired to care, heroine 1

At last, recalling all events of yesterday. Like some surreal dream. Happy ending though. Eduardo and his poof accomplice confessed their guilt. All the good looking ones turn out to be poof's thought to self. Mark exonerated and Mr Firth right as rain.

After getting call from Simon, said I was a "Bloody Fucking genius". Such compliments from sinister boss. Headlines read "Bridget Jones Legend, Saves Colin Firth"

Get call from Mark after ringing his mobile all day and getting voice mail.

"Bridget, I just heard all the row: Are you alright?" said with major concern of lovely and devoted fiancee. "Mark, I have been trying all day to ring you. Where have you been? I was getting concerned" Darling I was so sorry. Rebecca had apparently picked up my mobile by mistake" Right. Stick insect has agenda will beat her to a pulp when I return to San Francisco. "Mark, please don't mention her now. When can you join me in Los Angeles? I asked. "I am afraid it wont be for a couple of days. I have to finish a deadline on a case being presented in court later on this week" he was tired. Poor dear. "Mark, look I understand. I have some work that will keep me busy until I see you again. Mark? I whispered. "Yes?" "I love you" and the tears flowed. " I love you too Bridget" and he was gone. Feeling dreadful, betrayed, abandoned and lonely.

Knock on door. Fearful of prior day's events, look out peep hole. See nothing. Another knock. Christ, who is it? Look through peep hole again. See bugged out eye staring back! I scream bloody murder. My copper guarding me (as am important journalist and national heroine of the hour) comes running in from kitchenette pulling out his weapon.

He asks me to stand away from the door and behind him. Cautiously he swings door open a crack to see who the latest menace is. I am bloody well going to be killed in a foreign land think to self.

"Identify yourself" shouted my copper. "It's me, Colin" came the reply. Bollocks! Colin Firth. I stepped around the copper and opened the door wider. It was indeed Colin Firth with a batch of roses. Oh Shit. The irony. Colin stepped into the room with a batch of red roses and a smile on his most handsome face. "Miss Jones I presume?" he said and winked. I smiled feeling like Lizzy Bennett from P&P. Lizzy has nothing on Mr Darcy since I have the real thing. Colin gave me a big hug and many thanks for alerting the authorities. His offered his parents were eternally grateful, not to mention is wife and their children. I blushed and accepted the reign of compliments as was my due course. I was enjoying my moment in the sun with complete euphoric delight.

I went to sleep that night dreaming of both Mr Darcy's. Oh my! Wicked, wicked girl I thought and feel sound asleep.

Monday, March 1

9 st, cigs 5 no witnesses, alcohol units 10, Fiancee 1, Journalist/Heroine 1

Mark never was able to come to LA due to business. No doubt that leggy tart Rebecca had a hand in it. I had been back in San Fran two weeks since the "Colin incident" I was quoted in People Magazine. The Americans really seem to fancy Colin Firth. But, who doesn't?

Simon Pemberton at Hello mag rag has been actually quite nice about the whole situation and even allowed me the luxury of a few days off. It was nice except I hardly saw Mark these past weeks. He has been working non stop with a few out of town trips. But much to my delight, without Rebecca. She was peeved I could tell as we had her and a few of Mark's work colleagues round for a working brunch last Sunday. Actually went quite nice and they actually seemed to include me in their dull legal discussion. These Americans don't seem to have a poker up their arse as much as the barristers in England. Not withstanding my lovely fiancee of course.

Been busy giving interviews about the "Colin Incident" and rather feel like a local celebrity of sorts. Mark has taken to notice that I was not as attentive to him after the whole kid-napping and said as much. Egotistical man!

"Bridget?" Mark said twice and no response. "Bridget!" "Wot? I came out of my daydream. "Holy Jesus Mark. You scared the hell out of me" I shot back at him. "Christ Bridget I have been trying to get your attention for the last couple of minutes" Mark was annoyed and quite haughty I thought. 'What is it? I said as evenly as possible not revealing my perturbed nature. "We need to discuss my job offer. You have skirted the issue for weeks and its past the deadline" He offered. "You have bloody well been occupied elsewhere in particular without me" I ignored the last comment.

"Well, what did you tell them since its past the deadline" wondering at his answer. "I have told them nothing saying only that I have a personal matter to reconcile prior to letting on my decision. "Oh I am the personal matter?" I questioned. "Yes. After all you are my girlfriend" "Girlfriend? I squawked! "Oh you bloody well know what I mean." Mark flushed. "Mark, do you really want to marry me?" I asked bravely. Silence. Not good.

"Bridget I proposed didn't I?" "Yes and come to think of it that is one issue you have avoided these past weeks as I recall." sounding hurt. "Bridget I didn't mean as such and you know that. You are my heart my everything" Oh Gawd. What power does this man have over me? Here I am a sophisticated future ex-singleton with important job and liberated woman.

"Mark I don't want your pity or a proposal given in pity" I was hurt. "Bridget, you know I blunder when it comes to me feelings. I am an arse and feeling rather left out of your life lately" he quietly said. "Mark, I am sorry I hadn't realized" I felt bad. "Well it seems we are always at cross purposes Bridg and I am not sure how to manage" Mark confessed.

"I lead a mundane and ordinary life. Not much drama until I met you" "Wot?" I said. "Mark, I must agree you are being an arse" I stormed out of the room. Mark left the flat and didn't return that night.

Two questions remained. Am I to remain a singleton forever and will Mark take that job?

Sunday, March 7

9 st 1, alcohol units 20, calories 1,500, hideous life-altering events 2

The flat has been quiet all week. Mark came back early the next morning without an explanation where he had been or with who. I didn't want to know. We barely spoke and nothing has been settled. Mark leaves early and stays late at his office and even has taken to sleeping in the guest bedroom muttering something about not wanting to disturb me. Bugger! Bugger! Bugger! What happened to our lovely life together? It has all fallen to shit. Need self help books and work to keep mind off dwelling on Mark. Wanker!

Called Magda. "Hello? Who is it? I heard a sleepy Magda say. "Magda, its me Bridget!" feeling relief at finally talking to Urban Family member. ""Bridget, are you alright?" "Yes, no...oh Gawd I don't know?" I wailed and breaking down. "Come on Bridget it can't be as bad as all that" "But it is. Mark and I barely speak and I never see him anymore!" I cried harder. "What happened?" she asked "Well Mark proposed and he me told he is feeling neglected after the "Colin incident". "Proposed? Oh Bridget that is wonderful! Magda sounded happy. "But it isn't Magda, Mark proposed out of pity and says we don't really get on very well either. The bloody bastard" "What kind of proposal is that? Not to mention he has a job offer I am sure he is going to take and leave me!" more tears flowed. "Bridget, I know Mark feels bad about what has happened" she said. "Well how do you know that" sounding surprised. "Mark called Jeremy and talked things over since they are mates" Magda supplied. "But Mark never mentioned anything to me" I replied feeling left out of things once again. "Take heart Bridget, everything will work out" like she was speaking to one of her children. "Oh Magda, I want to come home" I sounded desperate. "Well Bridget, you are coming home" came the surprising revelation. "Sorry?" "Bridget you are coming home to England with Mark!"she said. "Bridget I didn't want to tell you this, but Mark has been receiving some threatening phone calls concerning you. He is so worried he has been working overtime to finish his assignment so he can bring you back to England". I was dumb founded. "What threats?" "Some man has been making threats against you Bridget and Mark wanted to protect you from the truth so you wouldn't worry. Bridget, Mark does love you very much. But he is a man and men do have a hard time showing their feelings. He is a Martian after all" I laughed feeling better about Mark. We spoke of other things and she rang off. I been a complete sodding fool once again where Mark was concerned.

I waited up late for Mark to arrive. I fell asleep on the couch. I heard his key in the lock and the sound woke me up. "Mark? Is that you?" No reply. "Mark?" still no reply. Given the recent conversation with Magda I decided to scream. I did it rather loudly too.

All of sudden the darkened flat is flooded with light. I am blinded momentarily. In the confusion I stumble from the couch and fall against someone.

"Bridget, what the devil are you about?" I hear a familiar voice and float away into darkness. Next thing I know. Mark is gently shaking me. "Darling are you alright"


	3. Chapter 3

Monday, March 7

weight 9 st , alcohol units 25, cigs 15 and counting, calories 3,000, life threatening scares 1, reclaimed fiancee's 1

It had all been explained to me all last night. Mark entering the flat and scaring me senseless. My worries over losing Mark were silly in comparison to the real fright Mark imparted in his explanation and eventual telling of story about threats!

"But, who on earth would want to threaten me" exclaiming with both hands. "Well some prankster" Mark said steadily. I could tell there was more he was holding back. "I still am in the dark" "Well, sit down and I will tell you the whole story" Mark offered.

Mark had been in the flat finalizing some paper work while I was still in LA. He received a call on his personal mobile. "Hello, Mark Darcy here" an unrecognizable said clearly "We are watching Bridget at this moment" "Who is this?" Mark asked. "As I said we are watching Bridget Jones at her hotel in LA" came the eery reply. "But I don't understand" Mark thinking this was some sick practical joke. "You will" and the caller hung up.

Mark not one to panic made a few phone calls to a local private investigator and explained the situation. "Mr Darcy, I will see what I can find with that cell number you gave me and let me get back you" and he hung up.

I shuddered at thought of some strange person calling Mark and about me too! GAAH!

Mark continued to explain the cell phone belonged no other than to Eduardo who the private investigator traced his whereabouts to Los Angeles. In the meantime, Mark had contacted the local authorities and hired a private security force to observe me at all times in the event there was any trouble. Little did I know, these security officers were in my hotel and the time of the alleged kid-napping. No wonder they came so quickly. Mark also said the people were not after Colin Firth rather me. I was shocked.

"But why?" I asked. "Bridget it turns out that Eduardo is a serial criminal who fancies himself quite a ladies man. Eduardo fancied you. Very simply, he wanted you. Once I got word from the private investigator that the cell phone used to ring my mobile belonged to Eduardo and he had gone missing to LA, I knew he would try something. I wasn't sure how or when, but I wanted to make damn sure you would not harmed. After all Darling, you are my one and only." Oh lovely, dear Mark. "Then you really do love me after all" I threw my arms around him. "Of course, why do you think I have flown half way across the world to release you from prison and hired armed guards to protect you?" he cupped my face with his hands. "Bridget, I love you silly!" "Mark, can we go home? I mean back to England?" I asked. "Bridget I was hoping you would ask me that" Mark gave me another long, lovely snog. Sigh. It felt like I was in heaven again!

America isn't safe even for a savvy Londoner like me. The question is when shall we leave for home?

Monday, March 14

weight 8 st 2, alcohol units 15, cigs 5, calories 2,500, shag-a-thons 7

Mark has been devoted since our little chat last week. I still can't believe my good fortune considering all my bad luck with megalomaniacs and criminals. But, must push on and make a soft landing to earth where I know my lovely man will be there to catch me if I stumble.

Simon emailed early this am. "Bridget" he wrote. "Deadline for your sodding story about Singletons in America due by Friday, March 18, Simon." Sigh. I have the draft finished and need the filler to complete the story. As I am a professional and serious journalist I am up to the challenge.

Spent most of morning daydreaming about large church wedding and then have a nightmare about wearing meringue selected by Mum. Gawd! I am rubbish at even daydreaming when it includes my Mum. GAAH! Just realized Mark has never given me a ring since his proposal. Did he overlook this minor detail or what? Think rational thoughts and don't create scene. Too late imagination went on a tangent. Bugger him. Who does he think he is? I know that modern romance doesn't always need traditional trappings, but a ring does signify eternal and lasting love like the love Mark has for me. Must be subtle and broach subject with Mark. Come to think we haven't really chatted about the wedding at tall. Things will change and they did. Little did I know.

Mark returned to the flat that night earlier than expected. I was in the middle of one of my culinary triumphs which turned out a little blacker than anticipated. But press on.

"Hmm, what smells?" crinkling his nose in my general direction. "Wot?" with indignation in my voice. "I am baking a frittata which is slightly browned at the edges" I ignored him.

We ate the frittata, salad and wine. Very nice meal indeed. Mark did seem to enjoy himself although he was a bit preoccupied with something on his mind.

"Mark?" "Yes" his tone very throaty and sexy. Ding Dong. Shag alert. Had to make up for lost time thought to self. "What is the matter? You seem a million miles away". I ventured to say. "Sorry?" he was distracted and not in my direction either. "Mark Darcy do you think you can be present with me for one bloody moment?" "Bridget, I have something to tell you and not sure how you will take it." Oh Gawd. "My assignment in America has been extended until September" "Pardon" finally using the proper grammar. Mum would be proud. "I thought we were going home? I questioned. "Darling this is beyond my control and I can't just leave my clients hanging. The judge ordered a continuance on this case pending a further investigation of new evidence presented in court today. The investigation could last up to 6 months or longer" sounding very dejected. "But, Mark what about us? "Bridget, this doesn't change anything." But we both knew it would. Fate is cruel when it comes to true love. Bugger!

Friday, March 18

weight 8 st 1 lost weight from worry, alcohol units 20 as helps stop worry, cigs 20, calories 1,000 not feeling like eating, almost trips out of country 1

Four long days of worry and sleepless nights. Look like wizened spinster. Mark is staying and I will have to leave the country! Oh Gawd. I can' think straight. Make poor attempt at completing article. Its crap, but sent it to Simon at Hello mag anyways. I don't care anymore. My heart is breaking with thought of Markstaying behind and being alone with that stick insect in high heels, Rebecca.

Mobile rings. "Bridget, its Shazzer! I was so excited to hear from her! "Shazzer, this is a surprise. "Bridget its been a fucking long time. Jude is exciting you are coming home and so is Tom but he seems otherwise enchanted with some West End poof named Chad" "Tom has another one the line eh? I chuckled. "What I was ringing you for is that I am coming to America with Simon." "Simon" sounding shocked. "Yes, he has finally gotten off his fuckin arse and is taking me on a proper holiday. We will there for 2 weeks and the best part is we are coming to California Bridg!" "That is wonderful. When will you be here?" "I am making all the arrangements now, but I will let you know exact details later on" she said. She went on to tell me of all the other gossip and news of home and the latest drama of her fuckwit boyfriend Simon. "Bridg I will call you in a few days and let you know specific's" "Shazzer I miss you" "Bridg, I miss you too" and she rang off.

Well first things first. Need to see if I can stay longer. But, Gawd will Simon let me? Also, need to find out how to stay longer. Find Marks laptop. Get logged on and do some research. How did you use this bugger keyboard? Muddle my way through to the US State Department website and locate working UK citizens in US. Thank God. I can stay up to 6 months with a passport! But that only takes me to June. Don't panic! Recall self help book instructing on how to solve issues without stress. Bloody Sod who wrote book didn't mention how to deal with stick insect or wanker boss!

Silly Bridget. Let Mark help you after all he is a brilliant barrister and most beloved fiancee.

Later that night. Mark comes back to flat with flowers, truffles from Godiva and smiling that beautiful smile of his. "Darling, how long will it take you to pack for the weekend?" pressing a kiss to my forehead. "Mark, what are you about?" "We are going for a mini-break to Napa" he informed me. "What is a Napa?" I asked. "Napa is a where silly and the most beautiful wine country. I have booked a splendid suite at the Sterling Vineyards. We need to hurry, our Limo will be here in an hour to pick us up" Mark left the room. Mark was positively mad I thought and I had never seen him this carefree before. What was he up to? My mind went amuck at the thought.

Saturday, March 19

weight 8 st 1 , alcohol units 30 since in wine country, cigs 10, calories 4,000, sexy fiancee 1, shags too tired to remember

Napa is gorgeous. Lush green hills and wineries galore. The Sterling Vineyards is magnificent. The vineyard is located up a mountain where a tram takes you to the top for panoramic views. The wine is fantastic. Mark has been so attentive not sure what to make of it. Is he pissed? Not sure. Note to self drink less and keep vigil on mysterious acting fiancee. Not one good bicker in the last week. How odd think to self.

"Bridget, come back to bed and stop your infernal writing in that journal" Mark sounded like a frightful school boy. "What has gotten into you?" I arched my brow at him. "Bridget, I have just realized how lucky we both are" "Just how lucky is that? Have you won a lottery of sorts? Or have you become the darling of the legal briefs?" I snickered at my pun. "Bridget I am serious" he looked at me and I felt contrite. "Mark do tell what has come over you? All the mystery and this carefree attitude has me a bit perplexed" I admitted. "Darling, I had a revelation about my life this past week. After the threats and and the kid-napping attempt made me do some soul searching. Bridget, I know I am not the most romantic chap, but I do try to for you sake, and I know I can be a dull barrister at times and seem rather brooding, but, I realized, I need you Bridget for now and always" Whoa. "Mark I need you too and I don't was us to be apart ever. But I am afraid I am going to have to leave the country and go back to Britain without you" I wailed. "Bridget, I promise you I wont let that happen" "But the State Department website says..."Bridget, have faith in me" Mark interjected. "Ok, now dry your eyes and lets get breakfast I am famished" Breakfast waited. The shag was delicious and sweet.

We showered and dressed and headed out to explore Napa and surrounding countryside. Napa reminded me somewhat of Cotswold back home with the lush rolling hills. We explored shops, drank wine and souvenir shopping. What a lovely, romantic day. Our day was perfect with one slight blur. Rebecca. Why cant that frightful woman ever leave us in peace?

We ran into Rebecca coming out of one of the shops in St Helena. "Rebecca, what are you doing here" Mark asked. "Oh its Bridget and Mark, what a coincidence!" Bloody hell not I was furious. 'Rebecca what brings you up to Napa?" Mark look perplexed. "Well you asked me to come, don't you recall Mark? Rebecca giving us that innocent look. "Sorry" "Why Mark don't you remember last week you asked me to see about some accommodations in Napa?" "But I meant for us" Mark gesturing toward me. "But Mark, when you were at my flat last week" That was the last word I had to hear and walked off. I heard Mark calling after me but ducked into a café where he walked right by.. No wonder he had been so attentive to throw me off the scent of that conniving bitch in heat. I returned to the hotel and called our driver to pick me up in a half and hour, packed all my things and was gone when Mark returned hours later to our empty suite.

Sunday, March 20

weight 8 st 1 , alcohol units 0 as to keep head straight, cigs loads, calories 2,000 from truffles, red eyes from weeping 2

I returned to our flat late Saturday afternoon. Mark tried calling my mobile several times but I did not pick up. Decided to call British Airways for a connecting flight back to New Your and on to London. Made flight arrangements and completed my packing for long, and lonely journey home. I needed my Urban Family to help lick my wounds and hear "I told you so lectures". Penned a brief note to Mark.

"Mark, I have made travel arrangements to return to London. Enclosed find the keys to the flat. My work in the US is complete. Please don't ring my mobile or try to contact me. I hope you and Rebecca will be happy together. I signed "Bridget"

The Limo picked me up and we drove to the airport. I waited 2 hours for my flight to leave. I felt my heart stopped and life with Mark Darcy is over. My plane arrived in New York and I headed for the international terminal.

"Bridget, is that you?" came the familiar voice. My agony is complete. Its Daniel Cleaver. Bugger him. "What do you want Daniel? I am in no mood for your antics or the pleasure of your company for that matter" I snapped. "Where is wanker Darcy?" "None of your bloody business" "Oh, I hit a nerve Bridg? smiling slightly. "Daniel, Fuck off I am in no mood and the last time I recall seeing you in an airport I landed in jail. So take your rutting self out of my sight!" I shouted gaining numerous glances in the process. "Bridg, don't be like that" Daniel looked unperturbed by my outburst. "Ma'am" came another voice. I swung around ready to defend myself. It was airport security. "Is this gentleman bothering you" he asked. "As a matter of fact, he has accosted me and will not leave me alone" Daniel looked surprised. I felt satisfaction. The smug look on Daniel's face quickly turned to concern as the officer approached him. "Sir step this way please" the officer told rather than asked Daniel politely. "But, but..." I heard Daniel stutter. Bugger him and bugger the whole lot of his gender. Daniel was escorted away and I was on my plane back home. To London and my lonely life.

Arrived London early Monday morning. Caught cabbie home. Entered my flat. It was stuffy and moderately clean. I had the cleaning service come round to clean after Mark and I left for the states. Gawd, cant think of Mark. Too painful. Too tired to think or take clothes off. Fall asleep watching old Cary Grant comedy. Heard ringing. Its was phone for intercom. I stagger off couch and reach phone. "Hello" "Bridget, its me" It was Mark.

"Mark I don't want to see you now or ever" Though my heart said otherwise. "Bridget, we need to talk" Mark asserted. "Mark go talk to your little tart Rebecca and leave my alone" I could hear muffled voice other than Mark's. I cant believe it. I ran to the window andsaw who was with Mark. It was that horrid Rebecca. The tosser. How dare he!

The phone rang again "Go away" I shouted. "Bridget open this bloody door or I swear I will it break down" Mark said. He meant business. "No! Don't do that. I will give you one minute and that is all" I went down stairs and let them in against my better judgment.

Mark, Rebecca and I went upstairs. Rebecca did not look at me and Mark looked like heaven but tired. Don't give the blighter any sympathy. I was the wronged party of this little charade not Mark.

"Bridget, I don't have much time as I have to catch a plane back to the states" Mark said. "Well, what is it? sounding uninterested in what he had to said. "Rebecca, go on an tell Bridget your little scheme and be quick about it" Mark said tersely. "Bridget, Mark had nothing to do with me being there in Napa" she actually sounded sincere, but watch for any tricks. She continued "I planned the whole thing and Mark knew nothing about it. I just wanted to make you jealous and it backfired on me. My apologies." Rebecca looked down at her stick insect feet. "I see" I looked at Mark. "Is that all?" I said cooly. "Bridget, please don't act like this. It wasn't my fault and I made Rebecca come all this way to apologize to you in person. You wouldn't return my calls. I could think of no other way to convince you once and for all that I am sincere about you and love you! I gave Rebecca the sack. Will this not prove how much you mean to me?" I wasn't moved and to bloody stubborn to allow my pride to be hurt again. "Mark, you said you had to catch a plane. Don't you think you better go?" Rebecca scurried out of my flat after I leveled my threatening gaze upon her stick insect countenance. "Bridget, please! Mark pleaded. But I turned and went into the bedroom and wept. He quietly closed the door and went back to America and out of my life.

I had chucked Mark once and for all and once again I was a singleton living my lonely existence in London. I cried harder at the last thought and mercifully fell asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Saturday, April 10  
Weight 8 st, alcohol units 50. Cigs 0, carbs 1,000 as have no appetite, fiancee's 0

It seems like year since I chucked Mark. urban family surprisingly very supportive about our splitting up. Life consists of work and getting pissed with Shazzer, Jude and Tom. I have quit smoking for whatever reason. Not much appetite and lost weight. Why is it the pitiful times of one's life we get skinny and have no one to show off for?

Mark respected my wishes and has not tried to contact me. Sod all men!. Deep down I still love him and always will. Why did I chuck him? I can't even remember. Oh bugger it. My life is a shambles. Decide to explore culture by reading best selling literary books in spare time. Instead re-read Mars and Venus. Instead of Venus it appears I originate from Pluto! Bugger! Bugger! Bugger!

Simon Pimberton has emailed new assignment. "Trendy new places in London". Great. More depression by seeing couples everywhere all the while being reminded of self-imposed singleton status. Mum is right. I will never learn how to keep a boyfriend. I am rubbish. I know I have hit rock bottom when I agree with Mum. GAAH!

Schedule important summit with urban family at 192. Praying not to see any of Mark's work colleagues from around corner. See Tom and some bloke at table I don't know. I wonder who the handsome stranger is? No doubt Tom's latest conquest and current shag of the moment.

Was introduced to a new face in our urban family. His name was Graham Lawrence. Tall at least 6'2 lean and dark blue eyes and wavy hair. Gawd. He reminds of someone. Oh holy shit, he looks like Mark. The only difference is Graham doesn't have that cleft in his chin. I was quiet most of the evening and every once in a while Graham caught me staring at him. He must think I am a perv! Thought I caught him staring at me a few times too. Find out he is a barrister also specializing in corporate law. This must be some cruel fate all because I made a bad impression at the Law Council dinner?

As we are leaving 192, I started leaving and Graham asked if he could walk me home. I said "sure" and we walked slowly toward the direction of my flat.

"So Bridget, you seemed a bit quiet this evening" Graham remarked. "Oh, I don't know things on my mind and all" "like what things? I sounded interested. "Well, my boss has assigned me to do some research for trendy spots in London" "Really? Sounds interesting. Do you have a chap at the moment?" Graham asked and I looked at him startled. "Actually we split up" I confessed. "In that case I was wondering if you would to go out with me?" I was speechless. Another barrister who looked like Mark? "So do you have a girlfriend, wife or partner" waiting for dreaded confirmation? "As a matter of fact I don't" he replied. Feeling lighter than I had in weeks. I said "that would be lovely". We continued walking.

Saturday, April 24  
Weight 8 st, alcohol units 10. Cigs 5 as started again, carbs 2,500, dates with adult male Mark look a like 1

After meeting Graham a few weeks ago. My heart didn't hurt so much. I am not over Mark completely but convinced I did right thing. Time to move on. Graham rang me right after he walked me home that first night. He is very sweet and lovely man. Can't get over resemblance though. We have been out a few times and met for drinks with Urban Family. Shazzer and Jude insisted I go out with him.

"Bridget, go out with Graham, he is very eligible and not some uptight emotional fuckwit like Mark Darcy" Shazzer spewed. "Shazzer, remember it was I who chucked Mark" trying to defend Mark "Bridg, come on Mark made you miserable" Jude intervened. "Look both of you, I admit Mark and I had our differences but I don't need you two over seeing my love life. Don't you two have enough trouble with vile Richard and fuckwit Simon? I asked them. They were unmoved. I ended going out with Graham and actually enjoyed it. I wouldn't admit that to Shazzer and Jude though.

Have another big date tonight with Graham. Phone rings. Its Mum! She always rings at the wrong moment.

"Bridget, Hello Darling" "Mum what is it I was just about to go out" feeling annoyed. "I rang to tell you that Mark is back in town. The Darcy's were delighted he is back. Has he called you?" "No Mum he has not and I suspect he won't, as we are not together any more." I supplied. "Oh Bridget, do be reasonable for once in your life. You are not getting any younger and in the olden days you would be off the marriage market at your age" Yet, another vote of confidence from Mum to make me feel shabby about myself. "Mum I have to go" interjecting. "Darling, don't forget to ring Mark" she acted like she doesn't hear a word I said. "Goodbye Mum" and I hung up. Mark is back in town. File in back of mind as I hear the buzzer for the entry phone. It was Graham. He was taking me to a fancy West End restaurant. Dinner part of research for article also. BJ is back on track again as journalistic legend with handsome escort. The perfect date. Until...

We arrived in a Limo (nice touch) to a place called Costa Dorado Spanish Bar & Restaurant in the West End. Lovely place. They are known for their tappas, paella and flamenco dancing. Oh the food was wonderful and wine excellent Spanish import. Very romantic. Graham very knowledgeable about wine and everything as well as being wonderful conversationalist and dinner date. I was intrigued as I think he is with me. He wasn't like Mark at all and seems to go out of his way to make me comfortable and at ease. He even laughed when I accidentally went into the men's loo instead of the ladies. I was embarrassed but Graham just laughed and said I was "adorable". Ding Dong. Is there like after Mark Darcy? I am beginning to think there is. Smiling to self.

"Bridget" Graham gently touched my arm and I snapped to attention. "Graham! Sorry I was daydreaming again. What did you say?" "I said who is that Gentleman who keeps staring at you" he inquired. 'Wot man?" "That man over there in the corner" Graham pointed. I looked in the direction Graham was pointing. It was Mark and some people I didn't recognize! Oh Gawd. Don't panic and pray he does not come over to our table. Keep inner poise and wits.

At that moment, the lights went down and the flamenco dancing started but I still felt nervous as hell. The dancing was distracting but I couldn't keep my thoughts from Mark being at the same restaurant. Was he stalking us or was it simply a coincidence? The dancing stopped and the crowd applauded the dancers. A few people close to the stage were throwing roses at their feet, as was the custom. The lights went back on and Mark's table was empty.

"Bridget, did you know that man" Graham seemed concerned by my reaction. "Come to think of it Graham, he reminded me of you for a minute, thought I was looking at your twin" I laughed. "Bridget, that man was Mark Darcy. Didn't you go round with him?" The dreaded question. "Yes I did actually. But it's over. I chucked him when I was in the States" Trying to sound convincing. "Bridget is it over between the two of you?" he asked tentatively. I avoided his gaze and the question. "Bridget come now, I won't make a scene I promise you" Graham chuckled. "Graham, I am still getting over the break-up but do enjoy your company" thinking I sounded like a diplomat. "That is good to know Bridget I do like being with you also" Graham winked and squeezed my hand.

I felt a sigh of relief to avoid nasty scene to end of a very pleasant yet emotionally charged evening. The waiter brought our check and an envelope addressed to Miss Bridget Jones. Wot now? Graham paid the waiter and we left the restaurant. Graham suggested a walk since it was a beautiful clear night. The letter would have to wait.

Graham and Bridget returned to her flat and it was the first time he had been invited in. Graham thought is a flat that reflected its owner quite well. It was quirky and feminine just like the owner he thought. Graham lived not to far away off Berkeley Square. Bridget asked Graham if he would like a drink and she brought a bottle of Chardonnay and two glasses. After filling the glasses Graham made a toast.

"To Bridget, May you have warm words on a cold evening, a full moon on a dark night, and the road downhill all the way to your door" "Aww Thank you that were lovely " Bridget looked at Graham. At that moment Graham kissed me and to my horror I kissed Graham back. After Graham had left, I had more questions than answers. Mark's letter remained in my pocket unopened.

Sunday, April 25  
Weight 8 st, alcohol units 25. Cigs 10, calories 3,000, Goodnight kisses 1

"I can't believe I wanted to kiss Graham last night" Bridget said to Magda on the phone. "Why ever not Bridget? Graham is a lovely thoughtful man. I have known him for quite some time through Jeremy and his lawyers suppers" "But, Magda, I do know he is lovely, but I am not over Mark" came the worrisome reply. "Bridget, you said yourself that you had some very nice times with Graham, I don't see the problem?" "Magda, you may be right, but why am I so confused then?" "Well Bridget, I think you are realizing there is life after Mark and not everyone or everything has to be complex. Graham is not complicated like Mark nor does he have all that emotional baggage and after all Bridget, Graham is a rather handsome and accomplished barrister" Everything that Magda had said made sense and she was right. But, why does my heart still ache?

Decide to lay in the rest of the day and relax and make some brief notes on article due in a couple of days. Simon would be impressed with my up close and personal observations of new trendy spots think to self. Mobile rings. A number I don't recognize. Let call go to voice mail. I will check later. Took a nap and tidied up flat a bit. Go to hang up coat and letter drops from pocket. I recall the handwriting. Its Mark's.

Open letter and read:

"Dearest Bridget, I have respected your wishes and have not contacted you until this very moment. When I saw you at the restaurant I desperately wanted to reach out to you. I soon realized my folly and did not want to impose my presence to which seemed an intimate setting. I do think of you often and I regret any misunderstandings of our past.. There is one thing I left behind which I fear I shall never recover and that is my heart. I don't want to alarm you but I have been quite ill and been to hospital. I have since been released but cant work as my condition calls for constant rest. But since you are the dearest person to me I wanted to confide in you. I have been dealing with this alone and it has been most difficult to endure. If you can find it in your heart to forgive me in future, I would be most indebted to you. I can find no other way to conclude this letter than state I love you. Mark."

I sat down on the sofa and cried myself to sleep. I woke up some time later and it was evening and trying to recollect the last few hours. Oh, the letter Mark had written. I remember now. Mark needs me. Dialed his mobile and get voice mail. Damn.

Went to Mark's house and everything was dark. Rang the bell and hear footsteps approach the foyer and undo latch. The door swung open and standing there was Rebecca. I pushed past the brazen tart and went into the house. I ran up the stairs to Marks bedroom. The room was dark at first. I could see a lone figure in the bed. It was my lovely Mark. There was a lump in my throat. I sat on the bed next to him and laid my hand on his face. He seemed cool to the touch. I had no idea what was wrong with him. I went in search of answers.

"Rebecca" I fairly shouted. "Sssshhh" came the reply from Rebecca. "Mark sent me a note telling me he had been ill. Wot is the matter with him? I asked. "Mark collapsed from exhaustion" Rebecca answered. "Why are you here? I demand an explanation. "Mark called me when he didn't hear from you. Rebecca was challenging me with her stare. She continued "He was just released from Hospital this morning and he needed a ride home from a friend". "You consider yourself his friend?" I glared at her. "You have done nothing but cause us both difficulty not to mention tried to break us up". Rebecca was silent. "Tried?" she questioned. "Mark had no one else to turn to. You had chucked him and I was available and it was the least I could do to try and make up for some of the harm I had caused." I firmly thanked her and told her I was taking over the care of Mark. Rebecca gathered her things and left without another word.

Felt major guilt about Mark. Gawd, when he needed me most I wasn't there? What a bloody mess I have made of things! Returned to the bedroom and got under the coverlet and snuggled against Mark. First time in weeks I actually felt all stress and tension leave my body. We slept.

Saturday, May 1  
Weight 8 st 1, cigs 0, calories 2,000, alcohol units 15, helpless men 1

It had been a fortnight since I came to Mark's house. Poor dear Mark. He didn't take care of himself and I feel extreme guilt over his collapse. But good news. He is complaining so very good sign he is coming round nicely.

Consult with Dr. Effington very informative. "Mark was to have complete bed rest for a couple of weeks and absolutely no work". Doctor said emphatically.

As I am self imposed care giver, I follow Doctor Effington's instruction with no arguments from Mark. I think Mark secretly likes the attention as he has made several lewd remarks. I have ignored repeated shag attempts as not to exhaust Mark. I am proud to be above baser instincts and perhaps should consider gainful employment as care giver and humanitarian.

We have not talked about our break-up or future. We have been in a cocoon of our own and outside world has been completely ignored. I have practically moved into Mark's house. Had Magda bring over clothes and necessaries.

Sent emails to urban family explaining disappearance and asking Magda to explain things to Graham all the while ignoring guilty conscious about kissing Graham. Emailed Simon at Hello explaining situation with Mark and as always he threatens to "sack me". For once, I don't care about Simon or my job. Mark is my world right now and needs me and I don't want to shatter utter happiness and reconciliation with beautiful Mark Darcy.

Bringing breakfast tray to Mark consisting of fresh squeezed orange juice with floating pits. chocolate croissant and hot tea. Bugger the pits.

"Mark, are you awake?" I ask softly and heard him stirring in bed. "Bridget, my Darling, you will spoil me" came his sultry answer with that gorgeous smile that melts my heart. Our eyes met and I set the tray on the bed and helped Mark fluff his pillow. "How are you feeling this morning?" I inquired. "I would feel better if you would give me a snog" was his pert answer. I complied and watched him eat his breakfast. "Did you eat?" he asked. "Yes, early this morning" I said. "What time is it"? "Why, Mr. Darcy it is well past noon lazy bones" I chuckled. "God, why didn't you wake me?" "Well, doctors orders" I said. "God the dreaded doctors orders" he sighed. My guilt returned. It was my fault his was ill to begin with. Mark was looking at me intently. "Bridget, something troubling you?" Mark asked. A tear slipped down my cheek. I cried "Mark I am so sorry you were ill it was all my fault". Mark looked concern. "Now why do you say that. Come now do tell me" he prompted me. "Mark if I hadn't chucked you, you wouldn't have pushed yourself and collapsed" I said sniffling and no tissue in sight. Mark took his napkin and gently wiped my tears and told me to blow. "Darling, it was all my doing. I was the prat in this whole thing" "Mark can we just forget this awful incident and start over?" My eyes pleaded with him. "Darling" but what about Graham?" he asked. "Graham?" I looked surprised. Yes, Darling Graham Lawrence a rather nice mate" Mark stated. "There is nothing between us Mark. He was a nice man who helped me.." I trailed off. "Helped you what?" "To forget our split up" I confessed. "Mark I was so jealous and obsessive about Rebecca and her meddling. I was hurt and you kept throwing her in my face. I was going mad thinking she was going to steal you away from me. I became a lunatic and chucked you. Mark if you have changed your mind about me I understand. I mean you don't owe me anything. I know I am rambling again. Oh Gawd Mark, why don't you say something?" I looked down at the floor. "Darling, come here" Mark looked amused and kissed me. "Mark, does this mean everything is forgiven between us" I was breathless. Mark said "Shut up" and kissed me again. Aww. Lovely, sweet man.

Saturday, June 19

Weight 8 st, cigs 10 as to meet deadline, calories 2,500 alcohol units 20, live-in boyfriends 1

It has been two wonderful and blissful months since Mark and I reunited. My heart is full and I do love Mark ever so much. Urban family barely speaking to me as back with Mark. Like they know about healthy relationships. Sod them all. Must find way to clear the air with Shazzer, Jude and Tom. Magda, as always is much more mature and sophisticated about true love. Of course, Magda, has 3 children and recalls true love fondly, once upon a time as she put it. Wonder wot she is about?

Mark has since returned to work but comes home every night to me. He has since hired a very efficient assistant named Mary who wears sensible shoes and is well past her peak. I love Mary and think she is fond of me also. Mark has found the perfect assistant and I have found peace.

I have more or less moved into Mark's house and we get along famously. I have even mastered a few culinary delights without much burnt parts. My specialty is my frittata with artichoke hearts and cheese. Very yummy. Dear Mark has not complained once as he ate it without fail three nights in a row. He really does like my cooking.

I have been working on research for latest article called "Men vs Women, The difference between the sexes". As have read many self-help books I can not help but think I excel at this topic. Mark is being a good sport as being used as an involuntary subject for latest article and research.

"Mark?" "Yes?" he looked up from his work. "What do you think is the major difference between us? I asked. "What do you mean?" he replied. "I mean what do you think is the main difference between men and women?" I asked again. He said "I suppose the main difference is your wobbly bits I imagine". I threw a pillow at him and he lunged at me. The divine shag following made differences between men and women perfect I thought and fell asleep in Marks arms.

Woke up with a start sometime later. I hear the bell ringing from the door. I gently removed Marks arm from around me and got up from the sofa and tip-toed to answer the bloody door. In the process, I hit the umbrella stand in the foyer and sent the whole blasted thing crashing to the floor. Bugger! I hear Mark stir in the study but nothing more. I quickly replace all items in the umbrella stand. I make my way to the door and look through the peep hole as to who see who could be calling at this late hour. I see no one through the peep hole. That is interesting. I unlatch the locks and open the door keeping the chain intact. Oh, a package. Who would leave a package at Mark's door at this hour? Undo chain and reach for package. That is the last thing I remember.


	5. Chapter 5

Sunday, June 20

Weight 8 st, cigs 0 dying for an inhale, calories 0. alcohol units 0, major headache 1

Woke up with several pair of concerned eyes staring at me. Mark was the first to say something.

"Darling are you alright. You frightened me nearly to the death" Mark exclaimed. All I could do is moan. "Oh, what happened? I asked looking around the room and everyone staring back. "Darling you had some sort of fall and hit your head and quite a large bump on the side of your head" Mark offered. "But, I don't remember a thing, except something about a package I think and now here I am" Feeling foolish. "Darling the door was wide open and you laying there unconscious. There was no package Bridget. I found you there early this morning" Mark cradled me in his arms. Lovely man. "But, the bell was ringing late last night I vaguely remember" I stammered. God, my head hurt. "May I have some aspirin?" I asked. Everyone scrambled. Mark looked at me like I was bonkers. "Mark, why are you staring at me that way? It is I who normally does the staring" I laughed weakly. Mark and I were the only ones in the room. Everyone else had tiptoed out.

"Mark, stop looking so gloomy. I am fine really. Just a bit of a goose lump. I will survive" Just like that Gloria Gaynor song I thought to myself humming it a bit. "Mark, there was a package at the door. That is the last thing I remember. Maybe I tripped over an umbrella? After all, I knocked over the umbrella stand and made a terrible ruckus last night" I reasoned. Bloody Mark never woke up apparently. Mark looked unmoved. "Sweetheart?" I felt perplexed. "Mark, what the hell is going on?" Now I started feeling spooky. "Has something happened?" I was terrified. "Darling, nothing has happened that I know of" Mark sounded a bit more reassuring that I felt. "But" I said. "But nothing. Here take your aspiring and rest" Mark sounded so authoritative and far too sexy in my unglamourous and disastrous moment. I swallowed the aspirin with water and drifted off to sleep. Unknowingly to me, Mark never left my bedside.

I woke with a start. Had a horrible nightmare and don't recall why it was so terrifying. Mark had fallen asleep next to me and was breathing deep and even. Did I imagine mysterious incident? I wondered. But, Mark was acting a bit strangely. More protective and secretive. GAAH!. I don't want to think anymore. I snuggled up to Mark and he woke startled.

"Bridget, you ok?" He asked very solicitously. "Yes, I much better. Have you been here the whole time?" I asked him. "Yes" he answered very solemnly. "Mark?" I came closer to his ear and whispered "Do you suppose we could, awww, you know.." My words trailed off and Mark knew exactly what I needed. Gawd, I love this man I thought and clung to Mark and he clung to me. We devoured each other with our passion. I fervently wished this moment could last a lifetime. I drifted off into a lovely memory with my Mark.

Saturday, July 3

Weight 8 st 1, cigs 10, calories just tons. alcohol units 35, delicious goodbye shags 1

It has been a week since the package incident as I refer to it. Mark watches over me like a hawk but doesn't say anything. I try and pretend I don't notice. But I must admit, I do enjoy the attention. Is that wrong? Mark informed me he is leaving town on business and will be away for several days. He insists that I go to my parents while he is gone.

"My parents? Are you bloody kidding me? My Mum would drive me insane and meddle every sodding moment" I flounced on the couch none too lady like and quite put out with Mark. "Darling, all I am suggesting is you don't be alone while I am away" Mark expressed. "Look, I don't need a bloody babysitter, especially not my mother!" Fairly shouting at Mark. "Stop acting like a bloody drama queen Bridget" Mark rebuked. I was silent and fuming. We glared at each other.

"I have already spoken to your parents Bridget and the matter is settled" he said flatly. "Wait one bloody moment you arrogant bastard. I wont be ordered about by you or anyone else. Do you hear me?" I shouted. "Bridget, I believe the entire street can hear you" Mark said in a rather droll manner. "Mark, I have survived a Thai prison, an attempted kidnap and sky diving without my parachute opening up on schedule. What makes you think I can not see to myself properly?" I demanded. Mark just smiled. I became more incensed. "Bridget, the reason you will do exactly as you are told is that as my wife you will conduct yourself with grace and deportment becoming a wife of a top barrister as you so fondly refer to me to all who are in ear shot of you" Mark couldn't help but laugh at the several emotions running through my mind and on my face. He grabbed me for a long passionate snog. I am not sure if he wanted me to shut up or was overcome by passion. I was hoping for the later.

Tuesday, July 6

Weight 8 st 1, cigs 15, calories thousands from Mums cooking. alcohol units 35, secrets 1

Mark deposited me on my parents doorstep approximately 3 days later as he promised. He unloaded all my luggage and ushered us inside. I felt like an errant teenager being punished for skipping university. Lovely Mark. I really couldn't stay mad at him forever. Though he did find one effective way to quiet any protests I made. His snogs lasted longer than any movie that I had seen and quite took my breathe away. I wondered if anyone had ever suffocated from snogging? Must do research on topic. Perhaps Simon Pemberton would be interested in articles about fatal snogs? Maybe not.

We had not been at my parents more than 3 minutes and Mum asked the fatal question. When are you two love birds going to name the day?

"Well, Mum there is something we wanted to tell you?" I ventured. Dad as usual had a blank looked. Mum was stricken with curiosity. "Well, out with it!" Pam said. Colin looked placid as a cow. "Mum, we eloped" I said. All hell broke loose. Pam cried. Colin laughed. Mark blushed. I reached for a wine decanter. Wine goes with every occasion I reasoned.

After the commotion died down, Mark explained that he no longer wanted to wait for me to become his bride. To quote Mark: "I couldn't wait for the day for Bridget to belong to me in every sense of the word". Well done I thought. I, like a virginal bride blushed, but we all know damn well I am not. I felt wicked. It was a delicious movie star moment I thought. Mark strutted around preening like a peacock. Beautiful husband and sex god.

But it took an awful lot of explaining and agreements regarding some gala or blasted reception too appease Mum, Elaine Darcy and Auntie Una. I would have stood a better chance in the wilderness with wild dogs than make any protest about how I would want my post wedding reception. Blast Mark. Bloody coward left me all alone with these crazed females.

Decided only refuge would be with Urban Family. I called a cabby and headed for the train station. I will call Jude, Tom and Shazzer on ride to London. I boarded train and was on my way. Close my eyes to regain composure and inner poise. Most important not to appear "Smug Married" when facing the enemy. The singletons. They didn't know about my elopement and hoping news wouldn't cause disaster. I could hear Shazzer now.

"Bridget are you fucking crazy to marry such a fucking dull bawstard as fucking Mark Darcy?" I winced thinking about what Shazzer would say. Jude would be more subtle by saying something like "Bridg, Mark is a dreadful cold fish" and finally our resident poof Tom's remark would be more along the lines of "Is Mark really good in bed as I have wickedly imagined he would be?" These are the people I confide in. Maybe I wont tell them this very moment. Very good plan. Just get pissed instead. Called Jude first. No answer. Left message about meeting up at 192. Called Shazzer's mobile, again no answer. Left another message. Where is everyone at? Finally, call Tom and get answer.

"Tom, its Bridget. Tom said "Bridget, where the hell are you?" He sounded concern. "I am on the train to London. Why the inquisition?" I sounded baffled. "Bridget, oh its nothing. I am just surprised to hear from you since you moved in with Mark" he replied. "Why Tom, I have not abandoned you. Besides what about your new flame, Ricardo?" I asked him. "Oh that went to shit" he sound rather sad. "Buck up. There are more male fishies in the ocean" I tried sounding cheerful. "Anyway, I am heading to London since Mum has been driving me crazy with arrangements and such" "What arrangements?" Tom sounded perplexed. "Oh a party for me and Mark. Don't worry you will get an invite" I was trying to appease Tom. "Party for you and Mark, what is the occasion?" Tom asked. Bugger it. I cocked up. Sod it. "Well, you know just a party of sorts" I sounded casual. "Well anyway Bridget, I thought you were suppose to stay at your parents until Mark came back?" "How did you know that? I asked. "Mark mentioned it to all of us when he called round for us to show up at his house when you had your fall" Tom explained. "Oh. Well, tell you what, lets meet up at 192 about 4 ok?" I became suspicious again. Tom agreed to meet up at 192 and will try to call Jude and Shazzer again and let them know. Tom rang off.

Still feeling eerie about conversation with Tom. As I am a professional print journalist with a mission, I will expose the villains of this piece.

The train arrived in London. I was getting off the train. I saw a familiar figure. It was Mark. Before I could reach him, he headed to a taxi stand and got into a cab and drove off unaware I saw him. Did he come back early? But I realized one thing. Mark supposedly flew to Spain. What the hell is going on here? First Tom then Mark? This smacks of conspiracy.

I rang Marks mobile. "Hello, Mark Darcy here" "Mark its me!" "Bridget, Darling how are you? Everything ok with you? He sounded cool. "Mark, it's the funniest thing really, I could of sworn I saw you at Paddington Station getting into a cabby" I mentioned. Mark was silent. Not good. "Mark, you still there? I asked. "Yes, I am still here. Bridget where are you?" Mark asked. "I am at Paddington trying to wave down a cabby" I confessed. "Bridget, why aren't you at your parents?" "But, Mark, I was going mental staying there" I protested. "Bridget we agreed for you to stay there" Mark stated. "But, what has gotten into you Mark? I feel like a sodding prisoner staying at my parents" I continued. Mark interjected. "Speaking of prisoners Bridget, I have some news. Jed has escaped from prison in Thailand. I fear the worst he may come looking for me. That is the reason I wanted you out of harms way?" "But Mark, why all the secrecy? Didn't you trust me enough to tell me?" I was hurt. "Besides I am now your wife and not some wayward child to be trifled with" I added. "Bridget, look I have been with the authorities tracking Jed down and we suspect he conked you on the head that night you cant remember anything. We believe Jed panicked when the prat realized he hit the wrong person and he fled" Mark explained "and we believe he has left the country much to my relief, but given his past behavior I am not at all confident he wont return and try some other type of mischief" Mark finished. "Mark, what shall I do?" I asked. "Stay where you are Bridget, I am on my way back to the train station. Stay by the cabby stand and don't move" Mark ordered. "Mark, how soon will you be here?" I was scared. "Bridget, I am only a few moments away. Take heart. I will be there shortly." Mark rang off.

I stood waiting for what seemed forever. I kept watching for any signs of Mark. I felt a hand on my shoulder thinking it was Mark, I went to hug him and I realized my mistake. I was staring directly at Jed. The bloody bastard. Jed kissed me as not to draw any attention to my distress and whispered in my ear still holding onto to me.

"Bridget, act casual and not one will get hurt" he sounded menacing. I was infuriated with his gall. "Jed, get the hell off me or I will shout" I promised. "Bridget" he said with warning in his voice. "I mean what I say do nothing to alert anyone or else" he said staring at me. I stepped back and struck Jed across the face using the back of my left hand and gashing his face with my brilliant diamond ring Mark had given me. Jed looked stunned. I ran not looking back to see if anyone was in pursuit.

I ran into a nearby shop ranting like a wild woman. I accosted the store clerk and speaking incoherently about an attacker and to call the bloody police NOW!

"Now, now miss, what is the trouble" the store clerk asked very slowly. "There is a man who just kissed me!" I said out of breathe. "Kissed you? Did he. Well now, and that is a reason to call the police?" He looked puzzled. "No you don't understand, he kissed me then threatened my husband" I expressed excitedly. "Shouldn't your husband be threatening him instead?" The store clerk chuckled. "This is very amusing indeed" he continued. "Sorry?" I was incredulous. "Please call the police" I implored him. "Well dearie, why don't you call the police yourself seeing as you have a mobile in your hand?" he said sounding rationale. "Bugger it" I blushed and dialed 911.

It took the police only minutes to reach the store. After my detailed description of Jed and his past history the police sent out a global description and even contacted Scotland Yard and Interpol. But they detained me for further questioning. I tried to call Mark but he wasn't picking up his mobile. Blast and damn him. I was getting very irritated with the whole routine of questions. Hadn't they questioned me the last time when in actual I was the heroine and saved poor Colin Firth? I was whisked away in a police car from the scene and the nearest station.

This day is total bollocks! Kissed by a madman, ran for my life and whisked away by police. Where the bloody hell is Mark? But they day only got worse to my utter horror. Sod them all!

I was the victim and Jed was free as a bird. Mark painfully absent. They patted me down and took all my possessions and put me in a dreadful little cell. I couldn't ring anyone and I don't think anyone knew what happened to me. Someone from Sit Up Britain picked up my apprehension or so they described on the local BBC1 that night. I could hear the TV from another part of the station blaring the story. I bet that arsehole Richard Finch is getting a real kick out this! Total humiliation. Feeling overwhelmed and despondent, I laid down on a little bunk and cried myself to sleep.

It was hours later and well past midnight when I heard the door open to the little cell I was confined to. Someone was shining a light directly in my face and shaking me to wake up.

"Bridget, wake up!" I heard a remote voice say. "Bridget" came a deep voice which sounded familiar. It was Mark! "Mark where the hell have you been?" I was hoarse from my ordeal. "I tried calling you and these bloody sods incarcerated me in this awful hole" I cried so hard with moisture running all over my face. Mark embraced me with a hard hug and held me tight. "Darling, I am so sorry. I told them to bring you here. I was worried about your safety and honestly thought this is the only place Jed wouldn't try to intercept you" Mark tried explaining. I would have none of it. I looked directly at the madame police officer or whatever she is called and asked "Am I free to leave now" "Yes" she replied and I fled. I could hear Mark in hot pursuit. I was so angry and hurt I didn't want to face him. Not now anyway. I can't believe my beloved Mark had me thrown in jail. I went to the only place I could think of where Mark couldn't find me. Bloody hell. I don't have my purse or any money. I sat down on a curb a few blocks from the station and cried some more.

Hours later I found my way to Magda's and Jeremy's. It was late when I knocked on the door.

"Bridget, what has happened?" Magda put her arms around me and shuttled me inside. Thankfully she didn't ask any more questions and guided me to the guest bedroom where I fell atop the duvet and fell asleep from sheer exhaustion. The last thing I felt was Magda putting a coverlet over me and shutting the door very quietly.

Magda had seen the Sit Up Britain piece about Bridget. Poor darling Magda thought and went back to bed.

Thursday, July 8

Weight 8 st, cigs 0 as I cant smoke at Magda's, calories barely nothing at all. alcohol units 0, broken marriages 1, nervous breakdowns 1

I have been holed up at Magda's for two whole days and I have sworn Magda to secrecy about revealing my whereabouts. I need to sort through the events of the last couple of days. Jeremy doesnt even know I am in the house as the guest room is down stairs and secluded from the rest of the house. Magda so far has gone along with my plan but keeps telling me Mark has called several times frantically asking if she has heard from me all the while lying to Mark. I feel a slight pang of guilt. But it wasn't me who threw Mark in some hole of a jail like a common criminal and left him to rot. The prat. I have never cried so much in my whole bloody life.

There was only one thing to do and that was to retain a barrister. I will ask Magda who is a shark of a divorce attorney. I wont be bullied by Mark Darcy husband or not. Damn him. I didn't even get a bloody honeymoon! Damn him again!

Thursday, July 8

Weight 7 st, cigs 20 starting again from nerves, calories 500 have no appetite. alcohol units 20, barrister consultation 1

Magda informed me the best family law attorney with teeth was Natasha Granville. I balked at the merest hint of her name. She was the tart who looked down her nose at me when she had her claws into Mark and was a bitch on wheels. Yes, maybe she was the right attorney after all. I rang her office and set up an appointment.

"Yes, Bridget Darcy here I need to make an appointment concerning a divorce matter with Natasha Grenville" I said confidently. "Ms. .Grenville is currently in court at the present moment, may I have your number so she can ring you later?" came the reply. I supplied the needed information and waited for a call back.

I had since moved back to my flat with much caution as not to raise the alert of my physical location. Mark had left several messages and my heart did go out to him. Though, I was infuriated with him still and wanted to at least see what Natasha had to say about a divorce or an annulment perhaps. Not sure what to expect from that quarter.

I was utterly miserable and even told Simon Pemberton at Hello mag rag that I had a serious matter to attend to and even he did not brook any protests based on my tone. Maybe Bridget Jones has moxey after all. I was going to find out soon enough.

The phone rang. I could tell by caller id that it wasn't Mark but rather Natasha Grenville returning my call.

"Bridget Jones?" I recognized Natasha's voice. "Yes, this is Bridget" I responded "Bridget did I get a message stating you were also Bridget Darcy?" she sounded a bit surprised. "Aww yes you did. You see Mark and I were married last week" I blurted out none too gracefully. I continued "I believe I may have made an error in judgement rushing into marriage without realizing the full import of my decision" I stated confidently. "I see. Well as you know Bridget, I handle family law cases like custody and things like that. I haven't handled a divorce in a couple years. Natasha sounded somewhat sympathetic. "Well I had a special reason for requesting your services Natasha" I said. "And what is this reason Bridget?" Natasha questioned. I simply replied "Because you have worked closely with Mark Darcy and I want to teach the smug bastard a lesson"

I met with Natasha the following day at her office in Kensington and went over my story. Natasha listened without fail.

I had explained to Natasha that Mark wanted to get married right away. Something about not wanting to delay which at the time I found somewhat odd, but also delighted at his eagerness. More like wanted to make sure he could control me. The prat! I went on to explain that we had eloped to Gretna Green about a week ago and no one knew about our elopement including our parents. Mark had produced a gorgeous diamond ring and we went through with a perfunctory ceremony by some little Scottish justice of the peace. So straight away we headed to Grafton Underwood to see my parents and we were subjected to their tortuous inquisition. I think the Christians facing the lions had better odds. We didn't even have a proper honeymoon. At this point in the story I was babbling incoherently and sniffling uncontrollably. Natasha was kind enough to supply a steady supple of tissues for my use. I do believe the reason Mark married me to begin with was to be able to control me as his wife and order me to stay with my parents after he became aware of Jed's apparent escape from prison. Love played no part in this whole sham of a marriage I thought miserably to myself.

By this time, I added "I knew nothing about Mark's motives or Jed's escape. I feel like a complete idiot and dupe" Natasha nodded in agreement. Natasha agreed to take the case. Not certain if her acceptance was pity or judicial righteousness.

Went home and got pissed on Chardonnay and tumbled over.

Monday, July 12

Weight 7 st 1, cigs 5, calories zero have no appetite. alcohol units 0, sleepless nights 3

It has been 3 days since I spoke with Natasha. I was shocked by what she told me. After some further investigation, Natasha had discovered that Mark had not legally divorced his first wife when he married me. Wot? Also, the barrister who handled the divorce has now been disbarred for unethical dealings to make matters worse. Mark is a barrister for Christ sake! How could he not know the procedure? Natasha explained that Mark was so heartbroken over the break up of his marriage that he pretty much agreed to a decree of judicial separation and not a divorce since they had been married less than a year. He blindly trusted a colleague who attended Cambridge with him. A mate of his who turned out to less than honorable. Natasha went on to explain that a judicial separation means technically the parties are still married but all marital obligations have come to an end. This type of decree does complicate matters in future marriages as both parties need to agree to a divorce decree Natasha summarized . Mark has to get to a divorce decree in order to marry again.

"The worst of all is Mark doesn't know any of this." Natasha finally admitted.

"Mark has two wife's? Oh Bloody fucking hell I am a bigamist and a criminal!" I wailed.

Natasha said she would have to contact Mark and explain things and figure out her next course of action.

I told her "absolutely under any circumstances did I not want to talk or see Mark Darcy again." Natasha nodded and I went home to a empty flat.


	6. Chapter 6

Friday, July 16

Weight 7 st, cigs 44, calories 500. alcohol units 50, divorce proceedings 1

I have been laying in bed for a whole week after disaster with Mark and his harem. Oh Christ! I have turned into a chain smoking, pissed all the time lunatic who is soon to be a divorcee! Even repeated calls from Urban Family could not move me from my depression. I had a heartfelt call from Mark leaving this message:

"Bridget, look, I know you don't want to talk to me or see me, but I need to explain things. I know you think I don't love you. You are so mistaken on this point. I love you madly. I went crazy thinking Jed might harm you and I feel I have failed you by not protecting you when you needed me the most. Darling, please give me an opportunity to make sure you are safe and know I love you more than I could ever imagine. I know I have cocked things up and that you will never forgive me for my bungling. Not that I blame you in any way. Christ, please call me or at least let me know you are well" His voice cracked with emotion and hung up.

Funny, he didn't mention Natasha or anything else for that matter. Poor Mark I thought. He sounded sincere. Fuck! Damn! Bugger! Shit! I lit another cigee and had another crying jag.

Oh Holy Jesus. I had shuffled into the bath and looked at myself in the mirror. My hair was plastered to my head, my eyes were puffy and swollen and I looked like I had wandered out of a homeless shelter. Gawd, my life is shit. No radiant newlywed here! GAAH!

Bloody self help books. No help there. No titles to cover "How to reform a bigamist" or "The Mormons Marriage: How to handle more than one wife". Why cant a woman have more than one husband at the same time? Bloody hell. What am I thinking? I recall affirmation from a Louise Hay book "I am a fulfilled and continent woman" Continent? No that doesn't sound quite right. More like unfulfilled and incontinent. Sod it. You know what I mean!

I decided at that point I needed to take a shower. I was emerging from the shower when I thought I heard some sort of noise. Hmm. I cocked my head to listen. Nothing. I had hacked and shaved unwanted hair from self. I scrubbed and rubbed entire body until I was bright red. I brushed my teeth and dried my hair. After the usual torture we endure as women to appear beautiful, I felt better than I had all week. I decided to throw on a fluffy robe and went to make some tea and biscuits. While the water was heating up, I turned on the telly. Staring at me on the BBC1 was a familiar looking building with many reporters milling around? Wow. That looks like my neighborhood! Christ! That is my building! Just then, there was a pounding on the door. I licked my lips feeling like a caged animal with no escape. I hear someone yelling "Bridget Jones, we know you are in there! Give us a look-see!. I felt manner of the hunchback of Notre Dame trapped in the bell tower. Just at the moment more scuffling at the door. I stood there transfixed. The heard the lock and the door burst open. Mark stood there as handsome as always.

"Bridget? Mark questioned. "Bridget we need to get you out of here. There is a crush of reporters waiting for you outside" Mark explained. "Wot?" I could only manage. "Bridget where have you been the last week?" Mark asked. " I have been here since Monday as if you care" I added. "You have worried me into an early grave" Mark looked haggard. "Mark I am sorry, but I had some things on my mind as if any of this mess is my fault!" I felt indignant. "Bridget, you robe is gaping open" Mark smiled slightly. I turned pink at his remark and closed my robe. "Mark what the hell is going on?" I questioned. "Haven't you been watching the news Bridget?" "No, I haven't. Why are those reporters interested in me?" I wasn't sure if I wanted to hear the answer. "Bridget, Jed has threatened to kill you. He sent a letter to the Independent with the gory details. The letter was published this morning" Mark finished. "But, but what about us" I stammered. Mark looked puzzled. "Mark did Natasha call you? I questioned. "No why on earth would she call me?" He responded. "Mark it appears your first divorce never took." What in bloody hell are you referring to Bridget?" Mark was very agitated. "Mark, I went to see Natasha about an annulment since you were so secretive about our reason to marry. I wanted to know what my options were. Natasha agreed to take the case and informed me you were actually still married to your supposed former wife and me at the same time. Thanks to you I am a bigamist!" I started crying again. Gawd, I am so tired of crying. Mark looked helpless and consumed with rage all at the same time. "Bridget, stop your crying, we are legally married" Mark said soothingly. He held my until my tears subsided. "Are you sure?" I sniffled and blowing my nose. "Of course we are Darling. Do you think I would marry you knowing I wasn't legally divorced? Come now. Be sensible" Mark cooed. "But Mark Natasha said.." I started and Mark cut me off. "Bridget, I think Natasha has been a bloody well nuisance since they day I first laid eyes on her. But first things first, Bridget. We need to relocate you since Jed is on the lose" Mark changed the subject. "Then you really do love me?" I asked. "Darling when will it ever sink in that I am not going away from your side ever no matter how far you try to run. Don't I always find you?" Mark hugged me so hard I lost my breathe followed by a lovely snog. Aww. What a feeling. I broke off the kiss and asked Mark "Do you want babies Mark?" He looked straight at me. "All the babies you like" My brilliant Mark.

Saturday, August 14

Weight 8 st, cigs 5, calories 2,500. alcohol units 10, reclaimed marriages 1

We had left my flat well after midnight when most of the reporters had given up and gone home. We left udder chaos in our wake. I packed what I needed and Mark said we could purchase "any necessaries" as he put it. We headed to Marks house and spent the night. Mark still felt uneasy being in the city with Jed on the lose. The next morning we headed Grafton Underwood to see my parents. More like Mum doesn't have a clue what has happened to me in the last couple of days.

I was bored on the ride up so I saw a copy of the Independent and opened the front page. To my horror, was the death threat letter from Jed naming me as the victim along with a very bad photo of me. Oh Bloody Christ. It was the same picture of me from the Tarts and Vicars party dressed like a bunny. No doubt, Uncle Geoffrey's handy work.

I gasped with indignation and perpetually damning Uncle Geoffrey to an inferno in hell for all eternity. Mark happen to glance over at that precise moment and told me to put that bloody paper away.

"Bridget, I can't believe you are upset about a snapshot rather than Jed being on the lose" Mark blustered. "I cant believe you just said that Mark Darcy. After all, Uncle Geoffrey did not call me on purpose to let me know the tarts and vicars party had been changed to a garden party. Not to mention snaps that embarrassing photo of me! He has this over zealous attitude of ogling and fondling my person at each function all the while pretending to be my uncle and asking about my love life. Dirty, sodding perv." I mumbled. Mark admitted he had ogled my at the very same party. Mark sniggered and we continued the drive. Mark made a mental note to have a little chat with Uncle Geoffrey. God, he thought I have inherited a pervy uncle.

I found out later than my Darling Mark had reported Natasha Grenville to the Law Commission for legal misconduct and misrepresentation. I was extremely pleased about this turn of events. I thought I could do a series of articles and expose crooked barristers.

I told Mark about my brilliant plan and he said "well perhaps you need to stick to writing about Colin what's his name for the time being" Mark weakly suggested. "Mark Darcy, you mean Colin Firth or Colin Farrell?" I asked teasing him. "You know that chap who had the wet shirt. You know, the Colin from Ireland" Mark had no clue as to which one he was referring to. "Aww that one" and I laughed hysterically all the while Mark gave me a serious of strange looks. Darling Mark. Much educate him on P&P.

We reached my parents and they weren't home. I called Auntie Una only to be told my sodding parents went to the Lakes for a mini break. Its always a comfort to me that my parents are at the Lakes when my life is in jeopardy. I left them the copy of the Independent with my picture and death threat on the front page. I wonder if they will realize its me. Probably not. I can hear Mum remark about the "common prostitute" on the front page!

Sunday, September 19

Weight 8 st 1, cigs 0, calories 3,000 (oh god) alcohol units 20, surprises 1

It has been a whole month since Mark rescued me from the reporters and paparazzi. Bloody so called journalists. We have been staying up at his parents estate in relative peace. The local constable has been most cooperative to shoo away pesky reporters and the like. I have since gotten back to work and actually was asked by Simon Pemberton to do a mini - autobiographical account of my traumatic encounter with a drug dealer on the lose. Simone thinks my life story is much more interesting than anything else I have written. But, what about the Colin Firth interview? I reminded Simon. "Oh well, you are bigger news than that pretty bloke" Simon spewed. I was indignant. "Colin Firth is not pretty, rather beautiful" I defended Colin as dedicated fan. Simon snorted and hung up on me. Sod him!

Sunday, September 26

Weight 8 st 1, cigs 0, calories 3,000 (oh god) alcohol units 20, surprises 1

Its Sunday and Mark has said he has a surprise for me. He kissed me with total happiness on his countenance and explaining I need to get ready so we can be off.

We had been driving about an hour and I asked "Mark, we are you taking me?" Trying to wheedle an answer from him. "Darling, I have been feeling rather guilty about you being cooped up so much at my parents that I have decided to take you to the coast?" He responded. "But is it safe, err with Jed and all?" I said. "Of course it is, that is part of the surprise. Look I didn't want to tell you at this very moment but it looks like I have no other option. I had a message from Interpol that they have found Jed in France" "You mean he is in custody?" I looked pleased. "Yes, indeed he is" Mark beamed. "You wont have to worry about that prat ever again." I leaned over and kissed Mark with so much tenderness I thought I would burst. I couldn't wait to get to wherever we were going to show Mark my true appreciation. I think he sensed that too when he kept inching his hand up my skirt. Very bad man!

Arrived in the seaside village called Blackpool. Mark had made reservations at a lovely Santa Lucia Holiday Flats. Very smart and posh. The flat over looked the ocean and Mark had thought of everything. The kitchen was fully stocked with all the essentials for a mini break or delayed honeymoon. So overwhelmed with joy and elation. We are truly "Smug Marrieds" Mark got right to work about starting family. Such a diligent man. I must remember to thank him later...Awww forgot last thought as husband is being very diligent.

Monday, September 27

Weight 8 st, cigs 5 (need after fantastic shags), calories 2,000, alcohol units 15, Parental Visit 1 (bloody hell)

After long day of fantastic shags and laying in, disaster strikes! Mum and Dad showed up at our flat early this morning knocking loudly as to wake the dead.

"Bridget, Mark! Its Mum and Dad! Come now! Open the door! "Mum trilled loudly for the whole sodding village to hear. I grabbed my robe and stumbled to the door to find my Mum and Dad standing at the threshold looking rather expectantly. "Bridget, what took you so long Dumpling?" Mum started in without being invited. Dad looked rather embarrassed about Mum's intrusion so early in the morning. "Hi Dad." "Hello Darling. Mum had this wild notion to visit "the kids" after she got a call from Una telling us you stopped by." Dad tried to explain. "But, Dad that was near a month ago." I said. "Well, you know Mummy" Dad looked uncomfortable. "Dad, do come in" I asked. He came in reluctantly. "Mark is still asleep I think" I offered. "Well not anymore it appears" Dad said looking over my shoulder. Standing with nothing on but a towel covering his naught bits was Mark. Oh God. Mummy had insisted he come out of the bath so she could use the loo. "Bridget, could I have a word?" Mark hissed. Mummy has gone and done it again.

After Mum insisted on making breakfast and Mark had decent attire on, other than a towel ( which later I told him he looked very sexy), we all sat down to lovely meal.

"Now, Mark and Bridget, I have a full day planned to visit some of the local sites here in Blackpool" Mum volunteered. "Pam, perhaps the kids..." Mum interrupted Dad. "Oh nonsense Colin! Of course the kids want to see the sites" Mum continued. "But, Pam" Colin interjected. "Colin do hush" Mom corrected him. Poor Dad I thought. "Mum. Mark and I came here to spend a few days alone" I bravely stated. "Now, Mrs Jones" Mark added. "Mark do call me Mum, after all we are now related" Mum brooked no arguments.

Mark sighed thinking "Mum" had missed her calling as a barrister as he couldn't get a word in edgewise. Bollocks! Mark smiled politely and deferred to Mum. Crikey, Mark was right. Smile politely and do as your told. Our mini honeymoon I thought. Mark, me, Mum and Dad. I suppose next Mum will direct us in shagging lessons so conception takes places right in front of her. Ugh. What a disgusting thought.

"Oh, by the by Mark, we called your parents and told them to meet us up here later today" Mum said. "But" Mark said. "Malcolm and Elaine will be here about noonish. So hurry along Bridget get dressed! We have a big day ahead of us!" Mum was busying her self cleaning up the breakfast dishes.

Dad slumped in a nearby sofa tunning out Mummy. I knew the look of defeat and saw it on Mark's face. I went to shower and dress all the while I heard Mum in the background ordering poor Mark and Dad about like some bloody general. Christ. Next thing I know, Auntie Una and Uncle Geoffrey arrive right on schedule like some hideous slasher film where the woman starts to open the door and go outside and you keep yelling at the telly for her not to open the door! Stupid woman! I put my head out the bedroom window and puffed on a cigee one after the other.

"Bridget, are you smoking again?" Mum questioned. I do believe that woman has radar. "No, Mum, just getting some fresh air" I yelled back thinking she was in the lounge. "Bridget don't be silly. I can see you smoking!" she scolded. "Fuck" I replied and burned my lip with the cigarette. Mum had poked her head out of the loo window startling me. "Language Darling" Leave it to Mum to trespass, order everyone about and generally be in denial of doing any of the aforementioned. "Aww Una and Geoffrey, let me give you the grand tour" I could hear Mum say.

I lite another fag and decided to investigate possible story for why people commit matricide. I had an evil smile and with great delight plotted the story.

"Bridget, come away from that window and come say hello to Una and Geoffrey" Mum shouted.

I closed the window and went in search of Mark to ask what type of jail time one can get for matricide. Mark wasn't surprised by the question. We giggled uncontrollably. Mum 1. Bridget and Mark 0.

Tuesday, September 28

Weight 8 st, cigs 20 (after parents arrived), calories 3,500, alcohol units 30 (can you blame me?) , Parental Visit too long!

Mark and I had endured a tortuous and rather tedious day with parents. All are now staying across town with the promise to visit after their tour of the Illuminations. Oh Goody I thought miserably. The illuminations is a spectacular array of lights all over town. Maybe they will get lost and ..oh sod it. My luck couldn't just isn't that good.

Malcolm and Elaine were gracious enough to steer Mum toward other pursuits other than arranging our alone time. Very thoughtful people, Marks' Mum and Dad.

"Darling, deep in thought?" Mark asked, "Oh, not really, just thinking about how very thoughtful your parents are. No doubt Dad and the Admiral are getting pissed at the local pub singing old songs while Mum, Auntie Una and Elaine gab themselves silly" Mark laughed at my last thought. "All we need know is for Tom, Shazzer and Jude to reveal themselves" I added. Mark groaned at the thought.

"Why not take a walk along the beach?" Mark suggested. He said "It's a lovely night". I was all eager. Grabbed my sneakers and sweater, and headed for the path.

It was near sunset after walking like what seemed miles when we found a log to sit on and view the ocean and sunset. It was so peaceful and so lovely to spend time alone with Mark.

"Mark, this is the perfect moment. Don't you think?" He nodded. "Mark, you have been so quiet" I noticed. "Well with invasion of the parents, I rather fancy the quiet" Mark mused. "I am sorry about my Mum" I added. "Bridget, when I married you I inherited your relations too" At that moment, I felt entirely sorry for Mark.

When one expects to "inherit things" one expects valuables or heirlooms. Not neurotic and over bearing mothers. This man does really love me to put up with my Mother. My heart swelled with gratitude and immense love. Mark kissed me and the world was perfect.

Mark and I were in a rather awww intimate moment when a nearby noise interrupted our bliss. I attempted to restore my blouse which had slipped open from Marks deft fingers and Mark was fumbling with his trousers, when we heard the deafening sound.

Mark grabbed my hand and we launched ourselves for the cover of trees. "Bridget, stay down" Mark whispered. "But!" I protested. "Do as you are told" Mark ordered and started his making his way down to see if he could get a glimpse of what had happened. I strained to see his form as he hunkered down a sand dune out of my sight. I could hear strained voices from the area where we first heard the loud disturbance. Then nothing. Shit I thought. Then another loud boom and realized the noise was fireworks! I waited for what seemed forever and Mark had still not returned. I went in search for him. Men!


	7. Chapter 7

Tuesday, September 28 -

Weight 8 st, cigs 20 (after parents arrived), calories 3,500, alcohol units 30 (can you blame me?) , Parental Visit too long! Visits to Pemberely 1

Later that evening:

Mark had left me in alone in the brush to fend off thorns and the like! I decided best course of action to follow husband in the bloody dark of night. I made my way gingerly down the side of the sand dune, placing my foot in a hole. Ut oh was my last thought and tumbled the rest of the way down the dune and landed in a heap. I lay there for a minute a bit stunned. Finally, I took inventory of any broken limps or appendages. None that I could notice. But before I could stand up. There was a curious group of people circling me with great amusement all wearing what looked like period costumes.

I hear someone say "Its Bridget" "Wot?" Thinking maybe I had rattled my noggin and was dreaming. No. I always heard people say they pinch themselves if in a dream state to see if they are awake or dreaming. I pinched myself and it bloody well hurt. So much for theories.

"Bridget! Say pardon not wot!" Surely I am not that addled. "Mum?" "Darling, what in the name of heavens are you doing down there?" Mum scolded me. I realized I had not yet stood up. Gawd, this humiliating. "Mum what is going on?" I was dumfounded to find my mother dressed in what looked like a little bo peep style dress complete with straw hat tied with a ribbon. "Bridget, get up from there and greet your guests" Mum acted like nothing was amiss.

A few bystanders helped me up and I brushed myself off and walked toward Mum. As I started making my way through the costumed crowd, a flowing tent with white lanterns flickering came into view. Maybe I was having a spiritual epiphany? Or past life?

Mark stepped forward and slipped his hand into mind. "Darling are you alright? I just heard about your mishap with the sand dune? He looked concerned and inspected my person thoroughly. I assured him I was alright and he gave me a tender snog. I realized Mark was also dressed in period costume. He had a white flowing shirt and with white trousers. Much like that one Mr Darcy wore in P&P. "Darling you were suppose to wait for me" Mark interjected. "But I thought you were in danger" Before I could say anything further, Mark ushered me into the tent and said "Welcome to our wedding feast"

As I took in the surreal scene. The whole tent was decorated like a setting from Pride and Prejudice. A country scene was muraled on the whole interior of the tent. Print posters from the movie hung from the ceiling as if suspended in the air. Small miniatures were placed on each table of Mark and I when we were kids. Candlelight emblazoned the each table with the scent of white flowers everywhere. A string quartet playing music from the movie sat upon a riser just above the long table with two large floor candelabra's on each side. Actual liveried servants in fancy brocade and velveteen uniforms were serving champagne and delicacies. Mark had spared no expense. There were several tables decorated with white flower garlands around hurricane lamps illuminated by large white candles. The place settings had the Darcy family crest accompanied by the finest Irish Crystal glassware and silver complete with name tags in old English scroll. Next to each place sitting was Jane Austen's book Pride and Prejudice. I picked up the book and opened to the cover page which was inscribed "Bridget, you must allow me to tell you how much I admire and love you" signed Darcy with the date of our wedding. I realized this was a favor for each our guests. So romantic I gushed and felt tears.

After the my initial disgraceful entrance, I was taken to a make shift dressing room and presented with a beautiful Regency style cream colored dress glistening in the light, shot with silk and seeded pearls. It was gorgeous. I was hastily dressed as this costume had a concealed zipper. Stockings were produced. Jude assisted me as if some lady in waiting. The final touches a garter and veil of the finest tuille. I felt like Audrey Hepburn in Pigmaylian. I surveyed the dress with its square neckline line and a heap of cleavage. Oh My. Remember not to breath to heavily or disaster may occur. Jude declared I was ready and we made our way back to the party. Feeling very elegant and refined I went in search of Mark. Mark rather found me.

As I absorbed the whole fairytale, I noticed what appeared to be camera's flashing. There were a covey of people in the middle of the tent surging around someone or something of interest. Mark saw my apparent curiosity and escorted us in their general direction. As the crowd parted, I heard everyone saying "welcome and congratulations". Standing in the middle of the crowd was none other than Colin Firth! Mr Darcy himself dressed as the character. With much aplomb and circumstance, Mr Darcy stepped forward and introduced himself and said "Ms Elizabeth Bennett I presume?" My brain thought all my fantasies had come true, but I was so overcome with emotion and surprise, I tumbled over.

After much chaos and cold compresses, I was revived. Mark holding my head and Shazzer, Jude and Tom inspecting my reactions. I was laid out on some type of make shift table recently vacated of appetizers. Mum was hovering in the background fretting about her embarrassment!

"Oh, Mark I am so sorry, I had no idea and was rather overcome! I was having hallucinations!" "Darling, you are not hallucinating. You did see Colin Firth as the great Darcy!" "Oh my God, you arranged this whole wedding party?" I looked at Mark. He smiled and kissed me as if saying. "All for you"

"Surprised Darling?" Mark asked. I had too much emotion to answer and just nodded. Mark understood and we continued our dance. Without knowing, everyone stopped and watched us in our reverie. Everyone filled with the depth and emotion of the moment. I smiled at my beloved husband and we continued to dance with my head on his shoulder.

Mark was tapped on the shoulder and Colin asked if he could dance with me. Mark relinquished his hold on me and handed me over to Darcy. "Well, Bridget it appears you were quite surprised" Colin looked at me with amusement in his eyes. "Why Mr Darcy I do believe you are enjoying yourself at my expense?" I countered and Colin laughed and we continued the dance. "I am so honored that you have come to my wedding celebration Colin" "The honor is all mine. After all, you are the heroine in my life" Colin made me blush. We finished the dance and Colin placed a kiss upon my cheek and said "Bridget I wish you and Mark immense joy and happiness always" Colin retreated and I stood there bemused and star struck.

Mark retrieved me and we heard the tinkle of glasses (an old custom for the groom and bride to kiss). Mark didn't hesitate his part and was egged on by the hoots and whistles. Mark is a wicked man to be inspired by cat calls, but the outcome was sublime.

After things calmed down a bit, Mark was ensconced by several people and drifted away from me. I needed my Urban Family and found Jude, Shazzer and Tom. I noticed Tom eyes wide with delight at the liveried men in their snug uniforms.

"Tom catting around?" I teased him. "Oh Bridgelene, congratulations on such a melange of men. I am in heaven" Tom kissed my cheek and went off in search of his heaven. "Bridge" Shazzer and Jude said in unison. "We are so happy for you". "I have missed you" I hugged both of them. "Did you both get to meet Colin?" "Oh shit Bridget, he is more gorgeous in person!" Shazzer said practically drooling. We all glanced in his general direction. By then, Colin was reunited with his wife, Livia and talking to some people I didn't recognize. "Oh Colin is just like any other man" I motioned with my hand Shazzer and Jude stared at me like I had issued a blasphemous statement. "Bridget, he is not like Simon" Shazzer stated and Jude chimed in "Nor like Richard". We all sighed and kept staring at Colin. As if on cue, Colin happened to look up at that very moment and with his champagne flute saluted us with a slight nod of his head. Jude, started giggling and Shazzer for the first time since I have known her, was absolutely silent with "rapture" I think was the term she used later on to describe that moment.

As I made my way through the crowd, I was tapped on the shoulder. It was Simon Pemberton. My editor. "Bridget, let me extend my good wishes to you and Mark" he said with much civility then I was accustomed to. "Simon thank you for coming all this way" I said very graciously. "Bridget, so you think you could get Colin to" My look stopped him in mid sentence. "Simon I need to look for Mark" excuse me. Simon was dumbfounded. I was secretly pleased to put the boor in his place.

I could hear Mum thrilling on and poor Dad looking like a whipped puppy. Must remember to have a heart to heart with Dad about Mum. I finally located Mark.

Some woman was leaning into whatever Mark was saying too closely and way too familar. I touched Mark on the back and he swivelled around with a smile. "Darling, I want to meet a friend of mine" Mark exclaimed. "Darling this is Eva. She and I attended Cambridge together!" Mark obviously seemed pleased with seeing "Eva" again. Was that like Eva Braun I wondered? Mark continued "Eva and my parents are great friends and we used to have great adventures together at University" Eva laughed at this last statement. I smiled but not trusting the type of adventures Mark and Eva shared. "Nice to meet you Bridget and congratulations on your wedding. Quite a shock to hear Mark had finally settled down again." Eva impulsively hugged Mark. I said "Thank you. Nice to meet you" and excused myself. Mark didn't even seem to notice as he continued chattering away with Eva Braun. Eva was another stick insect with long black hair and dark blue eyes. Maybe should consider occupation as exterminator to wipe out all stick insects? Good plan.

Great. I snagged one of my stockings. I sought the cover of the make shift dressing room I used to change. I started to part the curtain and heard someone or persons unknown within its confines. "Hello? Anyone there?" I heard more giggling. "Bridget!" exclaimed Tom. "One moment" I hear more shuffling and grunting sounds. "Oh never mind" I rushed away. Ugh. Not wanting to put forth any more images.

Sometime later I see Tom a bit flushed and smiling like a cat who just ate a canary. "Bridget, sorry about that. Well you know there was this cute" "Tom no need really to explain I had a general idea" Shazzer and Jude joined us. The liveried servants came around and filled up our glasses more than I realized. When I tried to stand, I sat right back down and Urban Family snickered. "Look, I can hold my liquor" I slurred. They all laughed again. Bloody sots. I started laughing and again the tinkling of glasses caught my attention.

At that point, everyone was urged to find their tables. Malcolm Darcy had commandeered the microphone at the long table directly in front of the riser with the string quartet.

"Everyone, thank you for coming! We have been united here tonight to celebrate the union of Mark and his lovely bride, Bridget. Mark and Bridget where are you?" A light applause erupted as Malcolm scanned the crowd. I stood up and made an extreme and careful effort not to weave to much and headed to where Mark's Dad was. I made it. Malcolm Darcy beamed his pleasure. "Mark, where the devil are you?" Everyone looked around to see if they could locate the man himself. I too was looking, but no Mark. Auntie Una jumped up rather expectantly in search of the missing groom followed by Mum and Dad. Uncle Geoffrey attempted to see what he could do but was side tracked with the promise of more champagne.

There was some murmuring in the room and much speculation. One loud comment caught my attention from a rather large woman not known to me "Oh dear, I hope he has not got cold feet poor dear" she looked at me with pity. I blushed and excused myself to search for my errant husband.

Malcolm asked the quartet to play until the groom was found. As I walked past a table with some relations by marriage on Marks side of the family I overhead some them wagering over the misplaced groom. I looked at the culprits and told them to "Bugger off" and heard thunderous laughter after my departure. Sodding relatives.

Shazzer, Jude and Tom rallied round me looking rather anxious at me. "Wot?" "Bridget, we found Mark" Shazzer motioned toward the tent opening.

Standing at the entrance was Mark and clinging to him was Eva. Mark took a step toward me and I noticed very evident signs of lip stick on his lip. "Mark, where have you been?" Mark actually turned beet red. Eva interrupted and said "Mark was with me! We took a stroll chatting about old times" My hand wiped some lipstick off Mark's face and I looked at him and said "how was your stroll?" Mark was taken back by my knowledge that Eva had kissed him. "Mark your father is expecting us" I said sweetly. I extricated Mark from Eva.

Mark held my arm as I teetered past several hundred pairs of eyes observing us and wondering what would happen next. Mark and I arrived at the long table much to Malcolm's relief. Elaine was watching her son with great interest and a slight smirk. Just then there was a commotion at the entrance and Mum, Dad and Auntie Una emerged chattering away like magpies. "Mark and Bridget! Thank heaven!" Dad for once hushed Mum and they joined us at the long table. Auntie Una nudged Uncle Geoffrey to sit up straight.

Malcolm handed each of us a glass of champagne and raised his glass in a toast. "To Bridget and Mark, may you have the blessings of a lifetime and love eternal" The crowd repeated the toast. Applause from everyone. Mark went to kiss me. But, I handed him an elegant clothe napkin to wipe off the lipstick. Mark grinned and with great relish wiped off the offending color (not his shade) and proceeded to fully and thoroughly kiss me in front of our parents, friends and Eva. Well done.

After the toasting was complete the quartet started playing again and the meal was served. After 5 courses, Mark took my hand and lead me out to the dance floor. Mark whispered "Bridget my love" and nuzzled my neck with his lips. We looked into each others eyes and continued dancing.

I later on over heard Colin Firth state to his lovely wife "God, I love great endings"

The fireworks we had all heard earlier exploded into the night sky illuminating the faces of the guests with wonder and awe.

As we basked in the glory of the night, a pair of eyes narrowed in the crowd watching us intently and with great interest. After a moment, the figure disappeared among the other party goers into the night.

I didn't want the night to end. But as I could hold my drink I thought rather proudly I could stay up all night, that is until I passed out into Mark's arms.

Details to follow!


	8. Chapter 8

Tuesday, October 30 -

Weight 7 st, 5 sticks of nicotine gum, calories consumed 3,000, calories lost 2,500 alcohol units 10, shags, (loads), marital bliss (infinite)

After return from Blackpool, we have blissful life. Mark comes early home every night, making eager attempts to have babies. So far, all fun, no babies.

As not smoking any longer, have developed habit of eating carrot sticks causing orange stains on fingers. Mark rolled over onto a rogue carrot stick laying on the duvet.

"Are you keeping rabbits?"

"Pardon?"

"Are you keeping rabbits? I find carrot sticks everywhere"

"Sorry?"

"Bridget, you are suffering from an oral fixation"

"That is disgusting. I just saw the dentist last month"

"That is not what I meant. You are eating carrots instead of smoking"

"My fingers have turned orange from those bloody things"

"I can help you with your problem" his voiced turned curiously soft and sultry.

"I don't understand?"

"Shush" His touch and the lovely snog made me fixate not on carrots rather on his salty lips. His masculine scent drove me insane. Mark was an excellent therapist. His kiss deepened while his hands explored my body everywhere. The shag was delightful and wonderfully long. Followed by two more equally delicious and sweet love making sessions. Can one be overdosed on shagging? I had fallen asleep in the early hours of the morning sated but still sad that Mark was leaving for two days. Bugger it all. Our life had been so perfect since Blackpool. Don't think sabotaging thoughts to self. V. unhealthy per latest book read and under no circumstances set self up for ridiculous expectations and abject failure. Was that rule number 9 or 10? Who can ever remember how to be healthy and vibrant when one has to memorize a rule book. Surely the author is mad as a hatter. At least his picture on the jacket cover makes him seem so. All great writers suffer from bad hair and even worse snapshots on the back of their books. That must be a requirement. Mad authors bad hair. Sounds like a book title.

Tuesday, October 31 -

Weight 7 st, 10 sticks of nicotine gum, calories burned from shags 1,000, appointments scheduled 1, chance encounters 3

Flat is absolutely quiet. No Mark sounds coming from anywhere. His presence lingers with all his things lying neatly about, but his physical person is gone. Two whole days without Mark. He is like this addictive drug. I just can't get enough of Mark Darcy. How does he weave this magical spell? Perhaps he is a warlock like in the movies who casts spells on unsuspecting victims. I must stop sulking. Mark has been gone less than an hour. This is getting me nowhere. Decide to tackle beautiful morning by showering early and not laying in. Bathroom mirror was less than kind to its reflection. Notice self's face less round and hair needs good, professional cut. Wobbly bits less noticeable and more firm from long walks. Excellent progress on body parts. Score low for poor hair management. Need retro fit like that make-over show What Not To Wear. Legs need a bit of attention also. What good does a make over do me if I resemble a hairy gorilla. Perhaps should include waxing in my spa date.

Call Serenity Day Spa to book appointment.

"I will see you here at 4pm sharp" Deanne, the appointment setter sounded like she was handing out orders to the troops.

"Yes, that will be fine"

"Please be prompt. You were lucky we had a vacancy"

"But I come there all the time. The colorist knows me"

"What was your name again?"

"Bridget Jones... er I mean Bridget Darcy"

"Like in Mark Darcy?"

"Yes. He is my husband" My hackles rose at the mention of Mark's name.

"Do you know Mark?"

"Just by name of course. Its my job to know our exclusive clients names"

"I see"

"Well thank you Mrs. Darcy. I must crack on. Goodbye" She rang off promptly. It was odd that Mark's name was known at my spa. Wot was that all about? Remind self not to obsess over phone conversation about Mark. Perhaps she knew of Mark from his cases in the papers. That must be it. The matter forgotten, I rummage around the cupboards looking for something to wear. I select my new gauzy blouse and matching camisole with a long filmy skirt. Feel very sophisticated by adding a wide leather belt. Final touch very fashionable wedges much like Jesus sandals. Albeit Jesus didn't have the wedge to contend with. I had to get use to the high arch of wedgies as could easily fall on face. I stared at myself and self's reflection was most pleasing. A bit of bronze color added a healthy glow to my face. Perfect. Ready to face the snooty girls at Spa.

"Yes, may I assist you?" Big blue eyes stared at me.

"I had an appointment at 4. I am Bridget Jones er Bridget Darcy" I supplied

The blonde with no hips and perfect lips perused her schedule.

"Aww yes here I found your name. That's funny"

"What is?" I inquired

"Someone wrote your name as Joanna Darcy. Hmm. Just a tiny hiccup. There now all corrected, Please be seated Mrs. Darcy. Tawny should be with you shortly"

"Thank you"

Could there be more than one Darcy in Notting Hill? But a hideous thought started to form in the back of my mind. Wasn't Joanna's Mark' ex-wife? No. That would be too fantastic a notion. I picked up Hello mag and tried to read about the latest gossip involving Madonna and trespassers's on her property. I realized the mag I was reading had my last article in it.

Mark had in no certain terms told Simon Pemberton to bugger off and threatened him with legal action if he ever tried to contact me again. Mark had overheard a conversation I was having with Simon a few months ago when he had picked up the extension accidently. At the time, I was most pleased to be rid of Simon Pemberton. Now that Mark and I were married, I had no need to worry about money, but being a singleton for so many years, I have an aversion for asking Mark for money. Mark provided a perfect solution. Mark handed me a debit card and opened a bank account for my personal use. He is quite generous. My lovely Mark.

Someone was calling my name.

"Mrs Darcy" It was Tawny

"Yes?" Two of us answered in unison

In my daydream, I had not noticed the slight Asian woman with the exquisite skin sitting opposite of me. She looked at me a bit critically in my estimation.

"I am looking for Bridget" Tawny looked at each of us

"I am Bridget" I offered

"This way Mrs Darcy"

I her feel her eyes bore into the back of my head. But I resisted the urge to start asking questions and slapping that smug look off her face. I followed Tawny to a private room as she directed me to a swivel chair facing a mirror.

"Mrs. Darcy. I am so sorry. I had no idea"

"About what?" I asked innocently hoping to find out if that was Mark's ex-wife. I had a pretty good idea it was but, I didn't want to admit the truth in front of Tawny. Mark and I didn't really get into his past other than discussing that prick Daniel Cleaver.

"Well about the awkward situation"

"It's understandable. There is more than one Darcy in London" But how many former Asian, cruel ex-wife's with the last name of Darcy live in London I thought miserably.

"But, I thought you knew?" Tawny looked rather embarrassed

"Knew what?" I was waiting for the bombshell to drop

"Oh nothing. So I see you want a cut and leg waxing?"

"Yes" I smiled weakly.

"Well let's get started then shall we?" Tawny smiled

The haircut and waxing gave me a new perspective. Tawny had finished earlier than expected and I felt like doing a bit of shopping and maybe a quiet dinner. I wanted to escape the Spa where Joanna still might be lurking. I was standing at the front desk waiting for the blonde to run my debit card when I heard the unmistakable voice.

"You ready love?"

"Yes Baby"

"You look very sexy" He kissed the woman's cheek

He looked up and saw my reflection in the mirror behind the counter. We both stared at each other for a moment. He continued making goo-goo eyes at Joanna all the while making eye contact with me. God the man had no scruples whatsoever. Daniel Cleaver had to be the world's biggest wanker by far. The woman I could tell by her look was amused at my discomfort. The could both sod off as far as I was concerned .They deserved each other.

I signed my charge slip and turned to head out the door. I was stopped short as Daniel Cleaver opened the door for me. He whispered.

"You look fantastic Jones"

I was so incensed by his obvious lack of manners and brazen ways, I instinctively slapped his face and walked past him and a smirking Joanna. I instantly regretted slapping him but I couldn't help myself. He asked for it. I walked for a couple of blocks without any destination. I just wandered. I felt deflated and alone. Mark was off in bloody Spain while I was dealing with the aftermath of our past. A hand tapped my shoulder and I jumped from nerves. It was Graham Lawrence. He looked so much like Mark standing in the shadows.

"Bridget, hello! What are you doing wandering about? It's getting dark?"

"Actually I was looking for a place to eat. How are you Graham?'

"Quite well thanks. I heard you got engaged to Mark Darcy" He said

"Actually we are married. He is off in Spain for a few days" I offered

"Congratulations"

"Thank you"

We both looked at each other without knowing what to say.

"Well would you care to join me for dinner? After all, we are both on our own tonight?"

"That would be lovely"

"I know this terrific little Thai place on High Street"

"I love Thai food"

"Allow me" Graham offered his arm and we walked the short distance to High Street. The little Thai restaurant was very quaint. White candles adorned each table with waiters taking our order wearing native costume. Graham ordered for both of us. The food was scrumptious and the conversation sparkling like the wine.

"Are you dating anyone?"

"Sadly I'm not. I fear after you no one else interests me?"

"You can't be serious"

"Aww in a way. I did find you very appealing"

"I don't know what to say" I stammered

"We can be friends of course"

"Of course. You do have an uncanny likeness to Mark"

"Do I? I hadn't realized" Graham smiled

"Yes you know you do. Stop teasing me" I smirked

Graham looked at his watch.

"I have to be in court early tomorrow"

"Thank you for dinner. It was perfect"

"Bridget?" Graham had a longing in his eyes

"Yes?"

"If you ever need anything I am at your service"

"You are very sweet and thank you"

The cabby ride home was quiet. I mused that Graham had come along at the right moment otherwise I would be wandering the streets fretting over fuckwit Cleaver and unfaithful ex-wife Joanna. The cabby dropped me off at Mark's I mean our house and the lights were on. That is odd? I put the key in the latch, but the door swung open. Mark was standing there with his shirt unbuttoned and loosened tie.

"Bridget, there you are! I have been frantic" Mark looked weary

"Mark!" I flung my arms around his neck and gave him the most passionate snog we both were lost in the moment. In my excitement of seeing Mark, I pulled away wondering about his early return

"Mark what brought you home so early?"

"What brought you home so late?" He shot back

"I had gone to the Spa and afterward ran into Graham Lawrence. We ate at a little Thai restaurant"

"How cozy?" Mark was clearly upset

"Mark, please. You don't understand?"

"I understand plenty. The minute my back is turned you are off with your ex-boyfriend"

"Graham is not my ex-boyfriend. For God sakes Mark. I dated him a couple of times. That is all" I tried explaining

"Bridget all I know is I came home and you were gone and nowhere to be found"

"Well that is ludicrous Mark. Had I known you were here I would have been here to greet you"

"Do you want to hear my side or not? I had a very trying day"

"Oh and I didn't?" Mark countered

"Please lets not argue, everything has been perfect between us lately"

"I'm sorry Bridget. I was worried when you weren't here"

"I ran into Joanna today" I waited for his reaction to this piece of news

"Joanna?" Mark questioned

"Joanna Darcy. Your ex-wife"

"Oh I see"

"She was with Daniel Cleaver"

"Cleaver?"

"Yes. I was so upset with Daniel and what he said to me I slapped him and ran out. That is when I happened upon Graham quite unexpectedly"

"What did Cleaver say?"

"He said I looked fantastic?"

"You slapped him for that?

"It was the way he said it. In my ear. The worst part Joanna seemed to enjoy the little exchange"

"Joanna did always enjoy drama"

"She seems rather cruel if you ask me"

"But I didn't ask you"

"Mark? Whatever is the matter?" I felt frightened by his answer

"The reason I came back early is because of Joanna"

"Wot?" I felt sick

"She came to me for a legal matter"

"Tell her to go elsewhere"

"I can't turn my back on her?"

"Why ever not?" The confession hurt me deeply

"She claims that" He couldn't finish the sentence

"Well Mark?"

"She claims we have a child together"


	9. Chapter 9

Wednesday, December 15

Weight 6 st, 25 cigs (smoking again from undue stress), calories consumed (barely eating), estranged husband 1, ex-wife 1, supposed step son 1

The waiting had been excruciating. I had been after Mark for months to try and get the DNA results to see if Tristan was indeed his real son, by Joanna. Mark remains tight lipped defending his ex-wife and her despot actions, as our relationship becomes more strained. Mark sleeps in the extra bedroom as I lay tossing and turning in our large four-poster bed. He explained with the late hours he keeps at the office he doesn't want to disturb my sleep as he put it. The nights are long and cold. Mark's obvious distress at his fatherly duties takes his time away from us or should that be "we". I am left to my own devices as Mark plays daddy. I am perfectly happy to accept Tristan into our little family. He is very well behaved and a bit shy as both of us are complete strangers to him. Tristan is really a darling little boy. Mark had arranged a visiting schedule with his ex. Joanna arrives with a stern look on her face, addresses Mark in whispered tones and gives poor little Tristan a stern look to mind his elders all the while, completely ignoring me. One thing puzzled me was why did Joanna continue giving Mark excuse's about the testing? Perhaps I should look into the mystery as my journalistic instincts have been piqued.

Tom said "I am telling you Bridge, it doesn't seem right to me,"

"Mark is so worried we haven't shagged in over a bloody month," I confessed.

"Ex's are the fucking worst," Shazzer downed her cosmopolitan.

"Bridge, you can't blame Mark either, after all he is doing his best," Jude intervened.

"Since when do you or did you ever start defending Mark Darcy?" I asked incredulously.

"Since I have grown very fond of the man over the past months. After all Bridge, Mark can be quite charming," Jude smiled her approval.

"Compared to fuckwit Richard?" I countered.

"Leave Richard out of this. At least he wasn't screwing his ex-wife." Jude's eyes were rimmed with unshed tears while trying to retain her composure. When it came to men, Jude was a complete emotional mess. Come to that, we both were.

"You are comparing Mark to your cheating boyfriend who screwed every bird in the West End?" I felt the insult tumble out of my mouth before realizing the full impact it had on poor Jude. She sat there in abject misery staring down at her Pina Colada practically whimpering at the unpleasant memory of Richard's many infidelities.

What a time of it she had with Richard. The constant bickering and break-up's. I felt like I was in the relationship with them since, every day was a bloody crisis between the two. Jude calling me in tears while I listened understandingly, to her woes and troubles with her problematic relationship. Lately, she had done the same for me. On instinct, I reached for her hand squeezing it in a conciliatory fashion silently apologizing for my abrupt and rude comment. Cautiously, Shazzer and Tom watched the two of us mend our broken fence as Shazzer shouted at the waitress, "Another round over here and be fucking quick about it,"

I looked at the clock it was 4 in the morning and momentarily forgot where I was. I remember the bar and getting into taxi, but after that my mind was fuzzy from too many drinks. I could barely lift my head off the soft and inviting pillow. Bugger it all. I recall I ended up at Jude's place on the couch. Her flat was quiet but for the slight sound of snoring coming from the bedroom. I got up and tiptoed in the dim light trying to locate my missing shoes. Jude had a rule drunk or sober, shoes come off in the house. She had just gotten new carpeting and it must stay pristine. Locating a light switch, I turned it on and nothing. What now I thought. I suspected my shoes would be near the flat's entrance. As I made a valiant effort to reach the door, my foot got caught on something as I swayed and lost my balance knocking over Jude's beloved Lladro figurines. I listened to see if I disturbed the occupants of the flat. I had woken someone up as I heard my name called and a rather disgusting curse word.

"Bridget, what in the hell are you doing?" Jude came out of the bedroom while fumbling with her robe to find me on my hands and knees touching her much loved carpeting.

"I was admiring your new carpet."

"Oh Gawd. Look at that black smudge," she wailed.

Jude helped me up as a horrific look came over her face while she stared at me in accusatory fashion.

"Gawd, look at my new carpet," she wailed.

"Where?" I was searching but one contact was askew in my right eye making my vision blurry from sleeping with the bloody things on.

"Right there." Jude pointed to what looked to me a pinpoint dot.

"For Christ sakes Jude, it's a small spot,"

"Bridget Jones you have no idea how much this carpeting cost me,"

"I'm sorry,"

"I know it seems a bit silly I should be so concerned over this carpet when you could have injured yourself. Are you ok?" Her face softened with genuine concern.

"I'm ok. But, I need to get home. Mark will be worried," I frantically looked for my clutch and mobile.

"I already rang Mark." Jude said.

"What is with that look? Jude, what aren't you telling me?"

"Mark said he thought it was best you didn't come home tonight,"

"Wot,"

"He said he would explain everything in the morning,"

"He will explain now,"

"Bridget, Tristan is staying there with his mother,"

"At my flat with Mark?"

"Yes." Was Jude's only reply.

The taxi ride seemed like it took forever. I was putting the key in the latch when Mark swung the door open and said, "Bridget, didn't Jude give you my message?"

"Yes she did. That is why I am here. What is Joanna doing in our flat?"

"It was my night with Tristan and he got sick." Mark explained and continued, "I thought it was best to call Joanna and let her come and get him. She thought it would be better to keep him in bed since he was running a fever"

"Why didn't you call me and let me help?" Tears stung my eyes feeling Mark preferred Joanna's help to mine. After all, Mark didn't know if the child even belonged to him. Bloody hell. What a mess.

"I didn't want to worry you." Mark said.

"Mark Darcy when will you get it through your mind we are married? I thought we had a partnership? But I guess you don't trust me enough to care for your son. Is that it?" I felt wounded and back at a place where I thought I wound never end-up, completely dismissed from Mark's life.

"Bridget, you have to believe me I am trying my best,"

I placed my hand on his cheek feeling the warmth of his skin and watching the wariness in his eyes. He looked so tired and deflated. My animosity instantly melted as he grabbed me and held me for the longest time. I could smell his familiar cologne and ever slight beard from his unshaven face as his held me tightly. It felt so good to be close to him again.

"Everything will be right as rain," I reassured Mark.

"I hope." But the far away look in Mark's eyes revealed his uncertainty about this whole bloody situation.

Friday, January 14

Weight 7 st, calories 3,500 (ate too many chocolates as nervous) alcohol units 20, (to relax) disturbed husbands 1, deranged ex-wife's 1, undercover cigs (lost count)

It had been well over two months since Mark was informed of his fatherly status. He seems content having a son and playing the father figure. Not only to Tristan but lately with me also. I resent his fatherly demeanor and want the old Mark back. His brief carefree days seem a distant memory. Our honeymoon was officially over. Mark's distraction is driving me insane. Worse yet, I am allowing our life to fall apart while Mark caters to Joanna's every whim. Joanna must be beaming from her meddling into our lives and trying to insinuate herself back into Mark's life. I must take drastic action. Perhaps an intervention or maybe some type of therapy? I ring a number Jude had jotted down for me and made an appointment.

The office looked very masculine save for the lovely blonde typing away until I approached her.

"How may I help you?"

"I have an appointment with Dr Kilkenny,"

"Bridget Jones?" She made a little tick mark in her little appointment book.

"Yes."

"The doctor will see you in a few moments. Please take a seat." She efficiently and politely dismissed me.

I took a seat trying to be at ease but my insides were in sodding turmoil. My nerves were frayed. Perhaps I was the problem and not Mark. Jude had insisted I see Dr Kilkenny. She said he was the best at handling her issues with Richard. But still, I know I was not crazy. A bit odd but definitely not crazy I assured myself. But thinking of my Mum and Dad, the fear came rushing back into my brain as I sat there waiting on Dr Kilkenny and his verdict regarding my mental status.

"Bridget Jones," The tall brunette stood there forming a question of my name than actually greeting me.

"Actually, Bridget Darcy," I corrected her.

"Please come into my office," She had a benign smile while motioning for me to take a chair. I sat down and immediately felt calm. Potted plants and very feminine decorations adorned the large and spacious office. The wing back chair was very cozy and floral.

Dr. Kilkenny was a female. I thought she was a male. Females understand emotions and relationships better than men do I reasoned. Well except John Gray. He was the guru behind Mars and Venus.

"Now Ms Darcy,"

"I prefer Bridget,

"Aw," She made a brief note in a file. Was it impossible for her to remember my name or maybe did she think I was too informal? Maybe I had some weird issue with how I liked to be addressed. Stay focused Bridget, I rebuked myself.

I blurted out "Jude Smythe told me to contact you," as if I had to make a confession and come clean about why I was there.

Dr. Kilkenny looked over her note pad as if summing up my sudden outburst.

"Yes, she rang me," was her reply. The silence in the office was still except the ticking of the clock situated on the large desk.

Nerves overcame me as I sat staring at my hands neatly folded in my lap.

"Doctor? Shouldn't we start our session?"

"We are waiting for your husband to arrive,"

Taken aback with the last piece of information, I was perplexed by her statement.

"Why would Mark be arriving,"

"He rang me telling me he would be here momentarily."

"But I don't understand, Mark doesn't even know I am here,"

The intercom buzzed and the doctor picked the phone up and said, "show him in."

The door opened to reveal Mark and followed closely on his heels was Joanna. Crikey. The tears brimmed in my eyes as I stood up and quickly left the office with Mark in hot pursuit Joanna smiled and winked at the therapist while closing the door softly behind her.

"I do believe my little plan is finally working out after all," Joanna was overheard talking to someone on her mobile by the receptionist who calmly make a quick call after the haughty bitch was out of ear shot.

"This is Gemmy, can I speak with Jude Smythe please,"


	10. Chapter 10

April 1

Weight 6 st, calories, 1,500, exercise, walked 3.2 kilometres, alcohol, strictly in moderation (ok, 15 units, no one is perfect after all), stakeouts 1, mission to reclaim hubby 1

The street was dark and empty. As I sat in my rental waiting for the woman in the third floor flat to exit the building. I had been in the exact same spot these past three evenings, watching and waiting. Mark thinks I am hitting the gym but he is so preoccupied with work and fatherly responsibilities, I am a rare after thought. We did have one particularly wonderful evening of shagging, however, it ended when his mobile rang and it was Joanna inquiring about their schedule for the bloody week. The spell had been broken and we returned to the land of the mundane. Sodding Joanna and her infernal meddling.

My course of action had been in the works for the last few months not without a few hiccups and wrinkles. I wasn't sure exactly what Joanna was up to, but I was determined to find out. Deep in my thoughts, I nearly jumped out of my skin as there was a knock on my window.

"Bridget, what the hell are you doing?" Jude stood on the pavement, eyeing me suspiciously. I unlocked the door and Jude slipped into the passenger's seat.

"Jude, for bloody Christ sakes. You were nearly my undoing. Why the hell would you creep up on me like that?"

"Me? I thought I was saving you from disaster." Her look bespoke her immense disapproval of my actions, not to mention being in the unsavory part of London. As if I was a complete imbecile who couldn't conduct my-self properly.

"How did you know I was here?"

"I came to your flat and saw you drive off and thought I would find out where you going so late at night."

"What a little spy you've turned out to be. If I didn't know better, Mark had something to do with this didn't he? Jude turned away confirming my suspicions.

"But you don't understand, Bridge." Jude sputtered.

"I understand plenty. You don't think I have the brains to look after myself. See, I have protection." I held up my key chain affixed with a pepper spray cannister.

"God Bridge, do you know even how to use that thing?"

"The man in the shop showed me everything I needed to know. Unfortunately, I was practicing with it on the balcony and I accidently sprayed my hand and then rubbed my eye. You will be happy to know it is very effective." I looked sheepishly at Jude with my juvenile confession.

"Mark suspected something was amiss, he wanted me to keep you company until he sort things out with Joanna,"

"When did you speak to Mark?"

"Yesterday. I had gotten a call from Gemmy, you know the receptionist for Dr. Kilkenny, she rang me to let me know she heard a very suspicious conversation Joanna was having. Something about a plan and it all working out. I ran Mark straight away at his office informing him of Joanna's little scheme."

"Wot did he say? He never mentioned a thing to me," I was humiliated Mark had forgotten the fact I am supposed to be his confidante as well as his wife.

"Bridge it's nothing like that. Mark has had a private investigator on Joanna for quite awhile." I looked unconvinced.

"Do you think he would trust her after all this time? Think about it, Bridge, Joanna cheated on him, kept a child from him and God knows what else. Give him some credit."

"I might, if for one instance, Mark had said something about this entire affair." Affair, that thought made me shudder.

"Bridge, he didn't have anything to tell you. He only found out today."

"Found out what?"

"It seems the woman who is saying she is Joanna is non other than her twin."

"But I don't understand."

"Joanna's isn't Joanna, Her real name is Julie Finch, Joanna's twin.

"What about the little boy? "

"He is Julie's real son."

"So Mark isn't a father after all?" Even though Tristan was a darling little boy, I felt relief.

"No." Jude said softly.

'Bridge, it's going to be alright," I sniffled thinking back on the last few months and the strain that existed between Mark and I. We had become strangers who shared a flat. Jude's word's haunted me, as we drove home to see Mark.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11 – Immense relief

April 1

Alcohol units, none for quite a while, preoccupied husband's 1, weight, afraid to look, career, on the skids

Jude followed me back to the flat as she watched from her vantage point as I put the key in the latch and let myself in. I shut the door slowly and heard her drive away. I felt like I had been in a complete nightmare for the last couple months. All the counselling and months of worry started to fall away as I threw my coat on the sofa and sat down. That is when I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was Mark.

"Bridge?"Mark said haltingly. I looked up at him with tears in my eyes but no words came out. He held me in his arms and comforted me. I felt that wonderful bond with him. But, I also felt wounded and hurt by his abysmal neglect since Joanna that bitch came into our lives and ruined our newly married bliss.

He said quietly in my ear, "I'm so damned sorry, I didn't realize how much this whole fiasco has affected you. I was only thinking about myself. I never meant to push you away or hurt you. My behaviour has been quite atrocious to say the least." Mark stopped talking altogether and he just held me and let me sob myself to sleep. Mark gently laid me back against the cushions and tip toed to get a blanket and covered me up to let me sleep.

His brow furrowed. He made another damned mess out of his relationship since he had been so wrapped up trying to be the proper father and guardian of Tristan. Once again, his ex had gotten the better of him but this time it was her sister who had tried to exact her revenge on him. He couldn't figure out how or why she would hold anything against him. It wasn't really important. He could only thing of how this entire incident has again christened his reputation with Bridget as a selfish bastard. He both knew they couldn't continue on the path they had been on since the beginning. Misunderstandings and prejudices had ruined so many things for them both.

Mark stood there a long time watching his wife sleep. Tears came to his eyes in that moment. He vowed from now on he had to get his priorities straight and make things right by Bridget. But he kept muddling up some many bloody times. He wondered how they would manage this debacle. She had given him so many chances. Mark sighed and went over and poured some scotch into a glass. He gulped the amber liquid and felt the burn go down to his gut. He liked the sensation it was cleansing. Knackered, he turned out the light and headed upstairs to sleep alone.

April 2

I awoke suddenly unsure of where I was. I opened my eyes which felt swollen and my mouth felt like it had been stuffed with cotton. All of a sudden the memories of last night came crashing back into my fuzzy noggin. Mark must have let me fall asleep and went upstairs and left me alone again. I tried to move but my body was stiff and sore from sleeping in the same bloody position all night. I fell back against the cushions dejected and completely mental fumbling for my mobile.

"Hi, it's Bridget, came I come over?"

"Is everything alright?" The voice at the other end had obviously been asleep.

"Magda, I need to speak with Jeremy straight away,"

"Can't it wait till morning?"

"No it can't. Magda, I know it's late but I need to speak to him. I'm desperate." There was a moment of silence at the other end and finally Magda said, "Come over,"

"Thank so much. I'll be there in a snap." I rang off.

"As I said, I want a legal separation from Mark," I stammered and again had to plead my case to Jeremy. Although knowing he is Mark's law partner I insisted he take my case since he knew both Mark and myself well and could maintain an amicable resolution for both of us. I reasoned Mark would have to make his own arrangements.

"I want Mark out of our flat, immediately, that is my one condition" I demanded.

But, Bridget, Mark's parents own that property," Jeremy stated.

"I could care less. I need my own flat to think things out and I want Mark to pay the maintenance,"

Jeremy stared at Magda looking for some back-up but she sat in silent solidarity with her wronged friend. "Mark has been a rotter, don't deny it Jeremy. I don't want Bridget hurt or neglected any longer." Jeremy knew his wife's stubborn streak and refused to get into another discussion about Mark and Bridget. Crikey their relationship had been going along swimmingly these past months. The even shagged more than they had in a long time. He didn't want to jeopardize their wedded bliss. Damn that and losing precious sleep since they had been up with the kids earlier in the evening.

"I'll take care of the petition," Jeremy feeling outnumbered and outflanked by females consented to the terms.

"Thank you, Jeremy."

"I just hope you know what you are doing Bridget,"

"I hope so too."

April 20

Weight 6 st, 25 cigs (smoking again from undue stress), calories consumed (barely eating), estranged husband 1

I flipped through the channels on the telly and each program had a curious intrinsic message relating to my formal separation. The news had spread like wildfire and Mum had called and for once didn't lecture but politely inquired how I was doing. I suspected Jude had made a call to Mum to guide her through the proper approach for my abject misery.

"Bridget, I ran into Mark's parents and they are just as distraught as Uncle Geoffrey and Una and of course your father and me,"

I tried to resist the urge to ring off immediately, but Mum sounded sincere and honestly concerned.

"Mum. I just need some time to think things out,"

"But Darling, you can do that here with your father and me,"

"Mum,"

"Sorry Darling, I know, I know, Jude advised me,"

"Can we change the subject?"

"How is your holiday plans coming along?"

"I leave for the states in a few days,"

"Does Mark know you are leaving?"

"I don't know if he does. He hasn't bothered to call since Jeremy spoke with him,"

"Well Darling isn't that what you wanted?"

"I'm not sure what I want,"

"Well that I rang you Dad and I are going to New York with you. Isn't that exciting?"

"Wot?"

"Jude was worried about you so we made a unilateral decision to accompany you,"

"We'll meet you at the British Airways terminal in two days time. I'm so elated; your father has been promising me a trip since we renewed our vows,"

Another veiled reference to my failed marriage by my own Mum. "I can't believe my good fortune,"

"We'll take good care of you, Bridget, Una is coming over I need to dash, Bye Darling."

Before I could respond I had two travelling companions. My life is complete disaster. I'm tagging along on my parents second honeymoon. Fuucck!


	12. Chapter 12

April 5

Estranged husband's 1, travelling companions 2 (uninvited), alcohol units 40, cigs, dying for one but not on airliner

"Oh waitress, can you please tell these two people next to me to get a room," I frowned sloshing my drink just a bit as liquid dribbled down my brand new white shirt.

"Miss, beg pardon, I'm not a waitress they call us flight attendants these days, " The flight attendant left in a huff not bothering to deal with the "Harry Shyters in seat 13a," she whispered to her colleague in the galley, code for a very drunk passenger. "Keep your eye on the little Bint." Margo said with disgust.

"Will do," Felicity acknowledged. She couldn't stand pissed passengers, they made her work more challenging during the Atlantic flights.

"Bridget, whatever are you doing? You've mucked up your new blouse," Pamela Jones announced to the entire plane.

"Mum,"

Colin interjected, "Leave Bridget alone Pam. She'll come round, won't you Darling?"

Bridget sniffed swiping her runny nose. "What difference does it make? Mark hates me for walking out on him,"

"No worries," Colin reassured her, "We'll have a grand time in New York and mend fences later,"

"I'm a complete idiot for agreeing to be with you two on your second honeymoon,"

"Darling we didn't want you to be alone on your own in a foreign city." Pam declared.

"You could hardly call New York City foreign,"

"Nonsense, I've seen episodes of Sex in the City. Those women are disgraceful and loose. I don't like to think of my daughter in their midst,"

"Gawd Mum, that was a television show, nothing more. " I closed the shade and slumped over against the window trying to block out my mother's tirade not my bloody headache. Bollocks.

"Flight 1238 will be landing at Kennedy Airport in a few moments. Please return to your assigned seat and fasten your seatbelts. Be sure to stow any lose items underneath the seats. Cheers."

I was groggy and feeling very nauseous, but somehow complied with the instructions in silence while Pam and Colin were busy chatting looking out the window as the plane made its final approach into Kennedy.

"The skyline is sublime." Pam squealed placing a rather large ornate hat onto her head looking as she were on her way to the Queen's garden party.

"Mum you're going to assault someone with that ridiculous tea pot on your head,"

"Oh Bridget, do button up your waistcoat to hide that blemish on your shirt," Pam fussed while Colin scowled wondering if this trip was going to be complete disaster.

"Mum, please, I came to be alone on this trip, remember?"

"Do be sensible Bridget,"

"I don't want to be sensible, and I'm miserable and you show me no mercy for fuck's sake."

"Bridget, I do know that things haven't been right for you lately, but that gives you no right to speak so crudely, what will people think?"

"I don't rightly care what you or anyone else thinks proper or not,"

"It's not like you to be so belligerent, it's positively disgraceful. Colin see to your daughter, everything I do is untowardly,"

"Pam do leave Bridget alone, really Darling, she needs a bit of time to come to terms with her difficulties," Colin patted Pam's hand reassuringly.

"Welcome to Kennedy," Their discussion was interrupted with the announcement from the flight attendant.

"Were here,' Colin announced feeling less cheerful than his voice sounded.

I put shielded my eyes from the glaring sun. New York was noisy and very crowded but the slight distraction could not mend the ache in my heart. Mark was across an ocean and here I was in New York gadding about like the other tourists. But they all seemed happy. I was fucking miserable. I dug into my purse for some cigs since I had an enormous craving. Funny to think how Mark would frown at my smoking again. But he was not here to scold me. So the hell with it, smoking was the one thing that seemed to calm me even though I felt like screaming right in the middle of this street.

I decided to sit down in Rockefeller Centre and watch the people walk by heading to God knows where. But that logic failed since it brought me back to the conversation I had with Jude earlier in the day when she rang me up to plead Mark's case. Damn her and Shazzer for their plotting behind my back.

"Bridg, you need to come home, Mark is complete disaster without you. He even called Shazzer and Tom wondering what he could do,"

"He's calling everyone but me,"

"Gawd, he loves you so much,"

"I don't doubt his love Jude, it's just he cannot seem to open up to me, even after all we have been through together,"

"He's trying Bridge, honestly he is," Jude the patron saint of bad advice and relationships. "Mark made an appointment with Dr. Kilkenny,"

"What does that prove? Honestly Jude, I'm not so certain all my friends have defected to Mark's urban family,"

"Not true, we want your happiness. We know how much you love Mark and despite first impressions, he really is a brilliant, lovely man."

"Jude, I have to go,"

"Bridget Jones, I will not ring off not until you admit I am right," Jude insisted.

"We all know Mark is a brilliant and lovely man Jude, those are just two the many reason's I love him so dearly. But it's not quite that simple,"

"Bridg, I don't understand you."

"Jude, I don't understand it either. We were going to have the perfect life. But I've realized Mark has trust issues and until he can come to terms with them , until then we are at a stalemate. I need some time. I needed to get away to gain some perspective on this entire situation."

"Running away won't solve anything,"

"Jude, Mark is the one who ran away from our marriage and from me."

"You are his whole life Bridget, until you realize that there is little else I or anyone else say about the matter. We love you. Come home soon." Jude's parting words had haunted me. If I was Mark's entire world how come he was talking to everyone but me? A horn honked loudly startling me out of my reverie.

"Bloody hell,"

"Hey babe, you always walk in the middle of the street without looking?" The gruff cab driver said in his thick Brooklyn accent.

"Sorry?"

"Get the hell out of my way,"

"You get the hell out of my way," I retorted right back at him. I felt brave glaring at the rounded little man hanging out the driver side window as he narrowed his beady little eyes at me.

"Hey Sweetheart, move your ass will ya?" I hurried onto the sidewalk and shot a nasty glance back at the rude cabby. He made a crude hand gesture which a looked around to see if anyone had noticed. Nobody seemed to care.

"Piss off." I motioned back at him. But I think I was too late. A little old couple stood there and gawked at me surprised by my foul gesture. The lady shook her head in a disapproving manner as they walked off in the opposite direction. But at the very moment I laughed a little bit for the first time in weeks and it felt great.

I decided to head down to Rockefeller centre and have a look around. I decided to take a seat and blend in. I dug around in my satchel for cig since I was dying for a smoke. I sat there puffing away as a black car pulled alongside the curb. I watched with interest since it must be an important person.

A tall figure emerged from the car and turned to the driver to exchange a few words. The chap looked a bit familiar I thought. But I couldn't get a look see from my vantage point. I watched a little longer as he turned in my direction and began walking toward me. I knew that magnificent walk anywhere.

He wore dark sun glasses but there was no denying it. Colin Firth was standing right in front of me smiling and said, "Well if it isn't Bridget Jones from Sit up Britain." I smiled and my mind went blank.


	13. Chapter 13

Estranged husbands' 1, cigs, thousands, alcohol units, unknown, weight, lost 2 stone, unexpected advice from movie idol 1

May 1

New York, New York

Rockefeller Centre

"What a surprise," I stammered. He smiled that smile they made women all around the world stop dead in their tracks and wish he would take them in his arms so they could lose themselves in those dark, mysterious eyes.

"You look positively green, are you alright?" Colin asked solicitously.

"I am right as rain. Why do you ask?" Colin noticed the stained shirt and askew waistcoat. I realized I must look a bit dishevelled. He smirked bemusedly. Suddenly I shifted uncomfortably under his scrutiny.

"Am I interrupting anything?" Colin broke the silence and the staring contest.

"Not at all why are you here?" I blurted out rather loudly than I intended.

"I'm here for a post production meeting, for my latest film," Colin remained stoic and calm. A trait I found rather annoying as my insides were in complete turmoil and all at once I burst into uncontrollable tears. I sobbed for a rather long time oblivious as some onlookers gathered to watch my outrageous spectacle while Colin sat next to me. He proffered a handkerchief which I gladly accepted. I swiped my tears and unceremoniously blew my nose. Colin politely waited until I had composed myself.

"Feel better?"

"Yes, a bit."

"Would you like to get a drink with me? I know the perfect place. It's quiet and private." Colin cast a disgusted look at a couple attempting to snap a photo of my meltdown.

"I suppose I could use a drink,"

"Let's go." Colin took my arm and escorted me to a waiting car. Apparently he had thought of everything or had made a discreet call while I was busy sobbing into his now soiled hanky.

My mind went blank during the short ride to a posh out of the way building. The driver opened the door for us to a canopied entrance. A doorman swung the doors opened and nodded discreetly as we passed him into the marbled hallway. Colin directed me toward the lift as I followed like a zombie. He pressed the button and the doors opened up. I leaned against wall and closed my eyes trying to gain my composure. All I could think of is what would Mum think? I opened my eyes to see Colin staring quizzically at me.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

"Sorry for what? Bridget it was quite obvious you were distraught. What was I suppose to do just leave you there? Come now you are safe. No one is going to pester you. As I recall you once saved me so think of it as returning a favour." Colin smiled and took my hand in his squeezing reassuringly."

"What is the place?"

"My New York flat,"

"Oh."

May 2

Meltdowns 1, Drinks with movie star 1, Panicked parents 2, Cigs, infinite, Alcohol consumed massive quantities

"Jude, his place was gorgeous, just like him," I said breathlessly telling her all about Colin's Knight in Shining Armour routine.

"I'm glad he was there," Immense relief washed over Jude just hearing from her friend again. "Bridg, we were so worried,"

"Do be reasonable Jude I need some time to sort things out. Please try and understand. I would do no less for you if the positions were reversed."

"I know. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to tell your parents to play chaperone, eh?"

"Your heart is in the right place. That's what I am trying to do is get my heart in the right place too."

"Bridget, come home soon. " Jude rang off.

I plunked down on the sofa and stared out the window overlooking Central Park. My hotel suite had an exquisite view. I reminisced about yesterday and my encounter with Colin Firth. I thought it was ironic how I was running away from a Mr Mark Darcy only to be confronted with another Mr. Darcy.

Colin had been a perfect gentleman the entire afternoon. He was considerate and genuinely concerned for my welfare. I felt a bit guilty for being alone with him in his flat.

"Will you wife be angry for inviting me up to your flat?"

"Don't be silly. I consider you a friend,"

"You really mean that don't you?"

"Of course I do. Bridget you saved my life once and for that I will always be in your debt,"

I felt the tension drain out of my body for worrying needlessly about my predicament. Another terrible thought occurred to me.

'What if the tabloids get a hold of this?" Concern spread across my face. Colin laughed. "I am not newsworthy,"

"Of course you are. After all you are the true embodiment of Mr Darcy, a thoughtful although slightly misunderstood fellow who has noble intentions toward the fairer sex." I felt my face reddened after my passionate speech. "Aww, I know you are not Mr. Darcy in reality, it's just,"

"I'm used to the comparison and though your extolling my virtues to Mr Darcy is sweet it's quite misguided I assure you," Colin smiled benevolently at me trying to assuage my bruised declaration of him to a fictional character. "Liv could tell you all sorts of things wrong with me," Colin laughed and handed me a glass with a clear liquid in it. I downed the whole thing in one shot.

"What the hell did you put in that drink?"

"It's called Grappa,"

"Can I have another?"

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely," Colin complied. The second shot was a lot smoother and suddenly the warmth of the liquor went coursing through my entire body. I sat down on a leather chair in the well appointed room. It looked like a manly space not too many feminine touches at all. There was the silence again causing me to shift on the chair which emitted funny noises which echoed throughout the large room.

"I'd better go,"

"You just got here," Colin actually sounded disappointed.

"But you mentioned a meeting of some sort before I disrupted your entire afternoon,"

"Trust me, you are a welcome diversion. I detest post production meetings. Now why don't you tell me what has you so troubled?"

Colin was so sincere and sweet I got barely two words out and I started to cry again. An hour later, I had poured out my entire disastrous life story to Colin Firth about Mark.

"You've had a rough time of it," I smiled wryly actually feeling better than I had in months. Even those sessions with Dr. Kilkenny hadn't been as productive.

"My friends think I am running away from my problems, but I need to get some perspective about my marriage to Mark. I just want some peace between not all these complications and misunderstandings."

"How does Mark feel?"

"I honestly don't know at this point. I know his love is genuine but his constant distrust and not opening up to me has caused a real strain between us."

"What role have you played in this relationship?" Colin asked taking me off guard.

"Wot do you mean?"

"Well suppose I mean role have you played within your relationship?"

"Are you blaming me for his mistrust?"

"Not at all but each of us is responsible for our own actions and how we respond to each situation. It seems to me since listening to your side of things that when things get rough you tend to run away while Mark retreats within himself. It's how you cope with issues. You both have your own way of dealing with your problems separately instead of together. This might be the crux of your entire trouble."

"I can't believe this?"

"Believe what?"

"I've been to a counsellor and read so many self help books about my relationship and none of them ever touched on this brilliant observation before. Gawd you are a bloody genius,"

"I've been called many things but never a bloody genius,"

"I think Mr Firth you missed your calling." GAAH! Did I just give Mr. Darcy advice on his career choices? "I, err mean you're a fantastic actor, please don't get me wrong, it's that you seem know about relationships and all.." I trailed off knowing how foolish and juvenile I was coming across. My face reddened either from my ridiculous outburst Mark is always chiding me about or the second shot of Grappa. That's right I will blame it on the liquor.

"It must be the liquor." I explained lamely.

"Bridget, calm yourself I took no offense by any means. I've been in a few relationships over the years and have acquired some semblance of knowledge. God only knows."

I sensed Colin was about to divulge some interesting facts about his past but he stopped short fear of what scandalous thing I may do next.

"I feel much better confiding in you,"

"I'm pleased I was able to be of assistance,"

"I think I'd better get going since...." I didn't want to cock-up anymore than I already had. I knew I had to call Mark straight away after my epiphany.

"I'll ring for the car."

I thanked Mr. Firth ever so much and proceeded to return to my hotel. I couldn't wait to call Mark.


End file.
